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‘West Elm Caleb’ embodies what people feel and fear about online dating

Everyone has a “West Elm Caleb”.

This is the person who, after hooking up on a dating app and enjoying the ebb and flow of banter, showers a first date with compliments and good vibes, only to disappear without even a text message the the following day.

The experience is so familiar that when one person shared their story on TikTok about a tall, handsome man who later ghosted them, dozens chimed in, saying they too had been loved and left by “WEC” The hashtag has gone viral, with more than 16 million views on Thursday. TikTok even tweeted about the phenomenon, although it later deleted the tweet.

Bad etiquette, seen by some as the norm in the New York dating scene and on dating apps, has sparked a conversation about the toxic traits men and women endure when trying to find love, especially in line.

Situations like being “love bombarded” by a date only to then be ghosted have become the norm when it comes to connections being made online, leaving many people resenting the scene.

Some experts say the experiments are emblematic of a broken dating scene.

Yue Xu and Julie Krafchick, the co-hosts of the Dateables podcast, said that of the many problems with online dating, one of the most glaring is the lack of accountability.

So posting on a platform like TikTok and sympathizing with someone who seems like a bad serial dater might seem like a way to hold people accountable for their behavior.

“In today’s world, with dating apps as a primary vehicle, especially during the pandemic, there’s this anonymity that allows people to do things if your aunt puts you in touch with someone, you don’t go ghosting that person. But a hike on Tinder? Why not? There’s no one who’s going to catch you,” Krafchick said.

Xu said that in New York, where the date of the original TikTok viral post took place, the dating scene is particularly tense when it comes to liability. She said the ability to date all five boroughs in the city means your date in Manhattan will likely never clash with your date in Queens.

“New York is the perfect place to do that,” she said. But “it happens everywhere”.

Disregard for bad dating behavior has united a group of women who all say they went on dates with West Elm Caleb, which led to the moment going viral.

Some said they dated him never to hear from him. Others said they paired him on an app and the conversation just died off. Some have described people in their own lives who reminded them of the man in question.

As the online debate raged, a growing wave of anger directed at West Elm Caleb turned into a discussion whether such stories are exaggerated. The internet’s propensity to prey on people who go viral for what some people consider tame transgressions has been a major concern for some social media watchers, echoing the situation around couch guys.

The toxicity of the online dating scene is universal not only for all places, but also for all genders, Xu said. However, she added a caveat.

“Women are so much better at hiding their tracks,” she said. “Dating multiple people, directing them, having overlapping dates, it’s just modern dating.

Although the bad behavior is frustrating for those in the dating scene and has made many people looking for love jaded, Xu and Krafchick said the “West Elm Caleb” saga has led to a time of community.

As the stories spread, not only were TikTokers able to warn each other of a potential heartbreaker, but they were also sympathetic to past bad dates they had been on.

Krafchick and Xu suspect the shared experience and sense of frustration is what led the hashtag to take off.

“I think a lot of people can relate to the ‘Caleb’ in their life. If you look on TikTok, there are married women … doing TikToks about it,” Krafchick said.

I think a lot of people can relate to the Caleb in their life.

Julie Krafchick, co-host of the Dateable podcast

Also, two parties are responsible for making a date go smoothly, not just one, Xu and Krafchick noted.

Many women who have posted videos on TikTok have identified red flags, such as being “love bombarded” on the first date. Xu and Krafchick said it was important for people to recognize red flags early on and communicate their limitations.

“If we can take control of our own dating behaviors and say, ‘These are my limits, my expectations, my values,'” Xu said, “then you can filter out the ‘Calebs’ of the world.”

Sources

1/ https://Google.com/

2/ https://www.nbcnews.com/pop-culture/pop-culture-news/west-elm-caleb-embodies-people-resent-fear-online-dating-rcna12911

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