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A letter to Bollywood

A letter to Bollywood

 


Dear Bollywood,

I am aware that you haven’t been doing well for quite some time, that’s why you now prefer to call yourself “the Indian film industry”. Some critics claim that you are doing this to please the South Indian film industry as it is thriving nationally.

I know that’s not true and renaming is currently not a top priority for you because renaming a disease does not cure it. Right now, all your attention is on how to recover quickly. For this, I learned that you are trying to reduce the mistakes you have made over the past three to four years.

You’ve come to realize that superstars don’t deliver and casting child stars doesn’t work. The remakes aren’t reassuring either. I appreciate you working to resolve these issues to restore Bollywood to its former glory. However, I also request a few other minor tweaks as a Kashmir fan.

Stop stereotyping Kashmir and Kashmiris.

Kashmir in Bollywood is a representation of hell or heaven. Either the picturesque gardens of Pahalgam, Gulmarg and Mughal or the choppy streets of the city center. But there are many shades of other realities in between. Have you been to our villages? They are both beautiful and volatile. They are beautiful in the morning and volatile in the evening.

Next time you plan to visit Kashmir, be sure to visit our villages and attend a wedding. Don’t worry, you don’t need an invitation because unlike your parties, our village weddings are small parties. Traditional, colorful and full of love. You can’t tell who is the guest and who is the host. The whole village becomes host when the groom comes to pick up his bride. And for the first seven days, the whole village of the groom visits the bride one by one to chat with her so that she feels at home.

I know this revelation made you smile because until now all you knew about our weddings was the song “Bumbro Bumbro”. So don’t be surprised to see us sing more songs from Arijit Singh to Charlie Puth and Neha Kakkar to Billie Eilish.

During your visit, I would like you to devote one of your entire evenings to the shops in our village. You will get some of your basic ingredients like gossip and masala. Our village shops become our bars in the evening where we meet to share, rejoice and lament. Please do not pass by the store. Sit back, listen, feel and celebrate or cry with us if you want.

Also, why are you celebrating pine and mourning Chinar? I cordially invite you to visit our walnut orchards when you are fully recovered. Our walnut trees are caught between pine and Chinar. They look greener than grass in spring and dead like a desert in winter.

Your stories should learn from their transition from life to death to life again. We respect pine, chinar and walnut equally and would like to see you resting in the shade of all three.

By the way, did you notice that Chinar starts with a capital letter and pine with a lowercase one. Because mourning weighs heavier than the party.

Enough about us. How is your recovery going now? I know you’re pinning your hopes on Pathan. But you should try to adjust parallel cinema with mainstream cinema. This will help you improve quickly.

Because if mainstream cinema is like Wazwaan, parallel cinema is like Haak. It’s healthy and it’s not expensive. But wait, you don’t know what Haak is, do you? You only had Wazwaan, Harissa and Kehwa in all your Kashmir films. Ah, Bollywood! please be real, have Haak and be healthy. Haak will ward off evil eyes and bad luck.

As I write this, I’m afraid you know nothing about us. Why do you see kohl in the eyes of all Kashmiri men? Yes, we use kohl, but we also wear designer sunglasses, not to hide the kohl, but to cover our binge-induced dark circles. We also have a knack for quickly distinguishing genuine products from counterfeits. You should learn this skill from us when choosing your scripts.

We choose what we wear and how we look every day. We don’t wear Pherans and shawls all the time. We carry all types of clothing from all kinds of brands. We know who Manish Malhotra is and what Who are you wearing today? medium.

But at the same time, unlike you, we’re so picky about editing that we openly discuss whether or not to edit Pherans designs. Because remixes and remakes only work when done with sincerity. I hope you got my point.

But why am I giving you these lessons? You might not understand in the first place because of my accent. So far none of your actors have come close to the perfect Kashmiri accent. Not that you care, but the fake Kashmiri accent seems demeaning to us.

Why don’t you try Kashmiri actors instead? Invest in talents, not names. I guarantee you that the investment will pay all your bills in the future. But for now you should not think and worry about the future. Like Kashmir, your present is your problem. I pray for your speedy recovery. Get well soon, dear Bollywood.

Yours sincerely

A Kashmiri Fan

Sources

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2/ https://www.thecitizen.in/life/a-letter-to-bollywood-892163

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