DEAR ABBY: My girlfriend and I broke up after six years. We both have children from marriages that ended seven years ago. We reached a point a year and a half ago and started looking for a house together. After realizing we couldn't afford what she wanted in a home for our blended family, our relationship became strained. The last year has been the worst.
As she suffered from the loss of her job and other external factors affecting her mental health, I tried to offer her more support, but she felt suffocated. I'm sometimes too intense trying to find solutions, even when she says she needs space. I didn't keep my promise to give him space.
We had the best connection of our lives, so seeing her suffer unsettles me. She says she is not able to give what I need in our relationship, even though I have tried hard to be a good teammate during her difficult times. Now she says she's done because I didn't give her space.
She is the love of my life. What should I do during this overwhelming and devastating time in my life? — Stunned in North Carolina
DEAR DAZED: I’m sorry things didn’t work out better for you. You and your girlfriend have very different communication styles. She wanted to vent and be heard. You felt obligated to find solutions to his problems. When someone says they need space, it often means they feel pushed or suffocated. It could also mean that they want to break up the relationship or that they have met someone else.
Right now, your next step should be a giant step BACK. Increase your exercise routine, spend time with friends, and don't sit alone ruminating about something you can't change. IF you both manage to get back together, I highly recommend getting into couples counseling so this kind of heartbreak doesn't happen again.
DEAR ABBY: My husband passed away in 2021. A year later, I hosted a memorial dinner to honor him. None of my seven local brothers and sisters were there. They said: It was for HIS family. I didn't argue or try to convince them that I needed them. It was terribly embarrassing when my friends and my husband's friends kept asking to meet my siblings.
It's been two years since his service and three years since his death, and I can't get over feeling abandoned. Although I am cordial, I don't count on any of them. No one seems to notice my withdrawal – at least they don't discuss the change in behavior with me. I guess I should get over it, but I can't. — SO DISAPPOINTED IN VIRGINIA
DEAR SO DISAPPOINTED: Please accept my sympathy for the loss of your husband. It must have been a terrible shock. Your siblings were either completely uncaring or maybe they didn't like your husband. For them to avoid his memorial rather than attend and support him must have been painful, and your reaction is understandable.
Healthy people don't recover from being abandoned in their time of need. I'm not saying it's okay to hold a grudge that would isolate you further, but stepping back seems to have been a wise and self-protective decision.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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