Don’t worry, this isn’t a trick post that will redirect you to the Kangana Ranauts Twitter timeline. Or the BMC’s work plan for the month.
Now, if any of the above terrifies you, your own life is probably like a horror movie right now, and you’re probably only a TV debate away from wondering if you were wrong to roll their eyes at Instagram influencers posting humans. viruses, nature heals the messages at the start of the pandemic.
Maybe you also missed all the good Indian language comedies. And fearing that the Koreans may not have put on enough shows to satisfy your hunger for frothy romantic comedies, you are so close to Google which is now translating the packaging information on your face masks.
So, we’ve found a few suggestions for Bollywood horror movies to consider, just for their comedic potential. Humor, even unintentional, is rare in our lives right now, so these masterpieces should be top of your list if you are in desperate need of a laugh.
My friend and I like to tell people that we ended up watching Raaz 3D in a movie theater just because we missed the multiplex samosas so much. In their defense though, those multiplex samosas that tasted like my credit card bills and my tears in 2012 were far less unscrupulous than this ghost of Raaz 3D.
He is not an old school ghost. You know, the kind who wanted simple pleasures in life, uh, beyond. Like doors pretending to be Time now anchors and terrifying humans by making loud and impenetrable sounds, taps start leaking as soon as you doze off and women stumble and fall into black holes as if they are the GDP of a certain country.
I don’t know if this ghost stumbled across Indian Twitter, but he’s weirdly hungry for that one thing that trolls with red rose DPs are sex. So he asks Bipasha Basu, Ek zinda mard ek zinda aurat ke saath jo karti hai, tum kar paogi ek pret atma ke saath? (what a living man does with a living woman, would you be able to do it with an evil spirit?).
Now, under normal circumstances, the woman in question would think he was talking about leaving hy, hottie, n6 tits, sx? posts on at least 300 Insta DM women every morning, but since she’s Bengali and, according to some Twitter users, has supernatural powers, Basu understands he’s talking about sex.
But she’s also polite and gracious, so she doesn’t tell him that most women living in India end up having more migraines than they have sex. Because unlike Mr. Pret Atma, half of the country’s men only understand consent when their mom tells them they won’t wash their Superman Bermuda more and turn them into pochas.
Since POSH does not apply to atmas and most Indian offices, he promises her promotion in the hierarchy of evil in exchange for sex. Cut to footage of Basu kissing with the outline of a man infested with maggots. See, if you’ve tried eating four almonds and two spinach leaves like your favorite influencer, I suggest watching this scene. The only thing you can digest for the next few days is water.
How did we get here? In the movies own immortal words, Science jism ko jaanta hai, atma ko nahin. Can’t say that doesn’t sound true to a Bengali who has more sheep biryani in their veins than red blood cells.
Creature 3D Creature is a tribute to Delhi landlords who don’t rent to single women. My extensive research has revealed that his growls have the same powers as Uncle Jis growling at brokers, Drinks leti hai, ladke laati hai.
No, tell me, why does this creature choose a single woman who runs a hotel in the hills and takes her life away? Especially after a young man lands at his door and sparks start flying. Considering that the men on Tinder go from what’s going on to being a fucking slut in less time than Delhi police take from students in prison, it’s pretty rare to have a nice man on your doorstep. Of course, the 3D ghost man has to play the spoilsport.
Called Brahmrakshas, the ghost pursues Ahana (played again by Bipasha Basu) with the zeal of an RWA secretary reporting to his WhatsApp group hello that a girl living together kar rahi hai. Nt gud. Also smoke. Tks. Ahana, God bless her soul, is not ready to go.
So every night the rakshas comes to load at her hotel, which means to kill her. Ahana must be used to this, considering that most Indian women must have received a few dozen unsolicited photos of body parts that look like a human-headed lizard in her various social media inboxes. So she pushes her heels down and decides to fight the rakshas.
Meanwhile, a familiar monster rears its head in his life. Her boyfriend reveals that he’s not who he claims to be and, given that there was no lockout and dirty dishes were even involved, it’s a clear red flag. So Ahana breaks up with him and decides to fight the demon the other demon on her own. The final battle between the rakshas with a municipal corporation type name and Ahana begins, and laughs are guaranteed.
Krishna Cottage is truly testing your ability to suspend unbelief. The movie wants you to believe the three expressions of Sohail Khan were the hottest property of the college through two births, so much so that a woman carelessly dragged around like a ghost until Khan was reborn, became a adult then chased him a second time. . She could literally be cold with Marlon Brando or Bruce Lee, but no, the heart wants what it wants.
Now this ghost might have had a bunch of supernatural powers, but GPS wasn’t one of them, so the poor thing had to be hiding in the same college and town her lover died in. And by the time she realized how fast fashion was – sent over the past 20 years, found Manish Malhotra, waited until he was done ironing his hair on the last human head in sight, her lover reborn had already been hung by someone else.
Ghostess Disha (played by Isha Koppikar) is a full-fledged ghost who can throw things and kill people, but still wants to wait for Sohail Khan to empty his girlfriend and love her. It’s also plausible that Amit Shah is waiting for permission from the democracies to destroy it, but I suspect that Krishna Cottage aspired to make a strong sociological statement about how far patriarchal conditioning can go, so Disha stammers and does all the drilling of Bollywood.
But then, tired of hiding around humans, she gathers all the strength of the computer cell discovering that Saif Ali Khan did not name her child after mutra farm, and attacks humans. Now, who will be their Subramanian Swamy? Watch Krishna Cottage discover.
Fair warning, Vaastu Shastra drops a lot of corpses on his audience, but it’s okay. It is for a noble cause. Our country has forgotten its roots except for a handful of valiant Bollywood songs trying to convince Beyonc that our faces must be soaked in talc and be white most of the time. So Vaastu Shastras ghosts are so white that they have two dozen Bollywood songs written on their wrists. They are so white that you will wonder if Simi Garewal collected them to be ashtrays in her living room. They are so white you could photograph them on Narendra Modis’ beard and no one could tell the difference, not even the peacocks who are the only living things the Prime Minister had a legitimate plan to feed during the pandemic.
The plot of Vaastu Shastra It’s kind of like the government’s economic relief program projects, a lot of characters that don’t make much sense and die before they’ve had a chance to be understood.
My problem is that throughout the movie we don’t understand why these ghosts are killing people. But I think it’s the fault of when it was released. Since then, there was no WhatsApp uncle and aunt who was expert in the effects of diyas and thalis on a deadly virus, we have been asked to live with the fact that we may not know. Perhaps the radiation of Ram Gopal Vermas’s proximity to women irritated them?
Considering how many ghosts the film shows residing in the suburbs of Mumbais, this may well serve as evidence for Kangana Ranaut to support his claims about the evils plaguing Mumbai. This is of course only possible if Rhea Chakraborty is summoned to do kaala jadoo on our collective memory and erase the existence of a rude Sanjay Raut. Until then, let Vaastu Shastra replace makeup bloggers and their MACs on your timeline. Haven’t they drained your savings enough?
BHOOT PART 1: The Haunted Ship
The most terrifying thing about it Bhoot was that Bhumi Pednekar even agreed to be a part of it. I will say a little prayer to protect her from the washing of the Dharma and continue.
So a huge unmanned ship enters the port of Mumbai. (I finally understand what Kangana was talking about. What about these ghosts descending on Mumbai as if she were a young woman caught in the middle of a media trial, and they are Republic journalists?)
In short, the ship. Vicky Kaushal works with the shipping company and is in charge of investigating this abandoned ship and clearing it out of Mumbai port.
Now the authorities just want to get rid of an unmanned ship in the country, no questions asked, like it’s an anti-CAA protester or something. But Kaushal discovers a young girl in the bowels of the rusty ship. The girl crawls on all fours and howls, that’s about her entire existence. Probably sensing that the Hangar would one day make a great Nationalist TV presenter, Kaushal decides to investigate if she’s a ghost or human or whatever and save her.
Kaushal then realizes that the child is in fact human and is controlled by a ghost inside the ship. So why did a ghost, which killed the rest of the crew, keep the girl alive? Does he want to run in the Bihar elections in India and an angry woman yelling at everyone could be a ticket to his victory? Is he a fan of Salman Khan who worries that his hero will struggle to find heroines younger than his last hairstyle for his upcoming movies, so wants this girl to fill that void?
To find out and laugh, watch the film.
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