Dear Amy: About eight years ago, I gave my 4 year old godson a train for Christmas. He liked it and we played with him for several years. He finally passed him.
Now he is 12 years old. He recently discovered the train in the closet. He wanted to sell it to get money to buy AirPods, which cost about what he could get for the train. So, with the help of his parents, he put it online, sold it, and got the AirPods.
I think it’s awesome! I believe once you give a gift, it’s up to them to do whatever they want, and I don’t mind.
The problem is that my wife for four years does not agree. She thinks it was extremely rude of my godson and his parents to sell a personal gift I gave her for Christmas without at least consulting me about it.
I told my wife that while it might have been nice for them to tell me they were going to do this, I honestly don’t care.
I’m afraid my wife will say something about this to my godson’s parents (she indicated that she would). We often socialize with them; they are one of the few in our pandemic circle. I don’t want her to create a grudge.
Not only that, if it does happen, should I side with my friends because I agree with them, which makes my wife angry with me, or with my wife, even though I’m not disagree, just to make a home more harmonious?
In a Quandary
Expensive in a Quandary: I have an idea: how about your wife keeping her thoughts to herself, thus ensuring both a strong friendship, as well as a harmonious home?
This is the very essence of “none of its business”. Your relationship with your godchild predates your relationship with your wife. He is separated from your wife. You have every right to conduct your relationship with the boy as you wish. Also, I agree with your position regarding the giveaway. It was not a family heirloom. It has been recycled and now another child will benefit from it.
If your wife has the nerve to point this out to the boy’s parents in your presence, you should say to him, “Well, I totally disagree with you, as I made clear when we discussed it. before. When I give a gift, I believe that the person receiving it should do what they want with it. “
If your wife wants a harmonious home, maybe she shouldn’t be judging and confronting friends about their parenting responsibilities, or harshly judging your sponsorship.
And because it’s a goddaughter matter, I’m going to issue a favorite Bible warning: “Be a cheerful giver!” You did it, and good for you.
Dear Amy: I only have one living brother. She has spent most of our adult years manipulating our mother for more than her share of money, jewelry, family antiques, sometimes resorting to lies and even theft. She rarely called me, never visited me, and left me with the lion’s share of elder care.
Now she is alone, her marriage is in ruins, and her children are separated or troubled.
I invited her to visit her twice, but found her unchanged. She is always selfish and devious.
Now she wants to move here and join my circle of friends and close family. “Family first” has been my credo, but I don’t feel it for her.
How can I say no?
Dear worried: You can’t stop your sister from moving to town, but you can certainly try to prepare her for reality by saying, “I hope you understand that moving probably won’t be the solution to your problems. I am not ready to meet your needs. “
If this sister is a master manipulator and boundary breaker, you will need to work hard to frequently set and reinforce boundaries. Put the word “no” in your vocabulary and be prepared to use it.
Dear Amy: Was it really necessary for you to quote fanatic and misguided racists as referring to themselves as “white Christians”? If they were Christians and had read the Bible, they would know that Christ looks at the heart, not the color of the skin.
Dear disappointed: I thought it was important to let these people reveal themselves.
And I could be wrong, but I don’t think there are white people in the Bible.
You can email Amy Dickinson at [email protected] or send a letter to Ask Amy, PO Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or Facebook.
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