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I’m in love with 2 men at the same time, but one of them is dead

DEAR ABBY: I’m in love with two men at the same time, but one of them is dead. Twelve years ago, I met a wonderful man, “Carl”. We met at “Hello” and got engaged two weeks later. We were happily married until I lost him to cancer six years later.

Two years after losing Carl, I decided to dip my toe back into the dating pool. A few months later, I met “Philip”. We were also immediately attracted to each other and are very happy together. We have been a couple for four years and will be getting married this summer. He understands very well my feelings and my memories of Carl. Am I wrong to marry this man that I love very much when I still have feelings for my late husband? — WONDERFUL WIDOW IN MISSOURI

Dear Wonderful Widow: When a spouse dies, the love the couple had for each other does not die as well. The love you feel for Carl can last as long as you do and you shouldn’t feel guilty about it. I have said many times that grieving is an individual process. That you fell in love with Philip does not diminish your love for your late husband. Celebrate your good fortune. I wish you and Philippe a lifetime of happiness together.

DEAR ABBY: I have been married for 16 years, but after the birth of my first child, our marriage fell apart. My husband retired and often went out with friends. When my brother was in the hospital, I traveled for three hours with my newborn to visit him. My husband drove in separately, stayed for a few hours, then left for a concert with a friend.

Our sex life was reduced to nothing and I felt like we were roommates. I got depressed and started having manic episodes. I take medicine now and take care of myself. I’ve always resented my husband for that. We have two children now, and I’m afraid that if I leave him, it will harm the children. I tried three different marriage counselors with him, but he wasn’t interested.

I now spend my time doing everything with the children and focusing on my well-being. I met an old acquaintance from high school on Facebook, and our friendship turned romantic. I don’t see him often, but when I see him, I always want to be with him. We are both afraid of what might happen. I love him so much. He is kind, gentle and caring. Do I have to wait until the children are 18 to leave? — READY FOR CHANGE IN THE EAST

DEAR LOAN: Make an appointment to speak with a lawyer. When you do, be sure to ask what kind of financial information you might need to ensure you get a fair settlement if you decide to end this wedding comedy.

Once you have the information, tell your husband that the status quo isn’t good enough for you and offer him another chance to see a marriage counselor. If he refuses – and he probably will – continue to free yourself.

Raising children in the atmosphere you described can be more damaging than getting divorced. A word of warning, though: once you become available full-time, your lover may not be ready or willing to become your knight in shining armor. Be prepared to fend for yourself, just in case.

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at DearAbby.com or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

Sources

1/ https://Google.com/

2/ https://nypost.com/2023/05/16/dear-abby-im-in-love-with-2-men-at-the-same-time-but-one-of-thems-dead/

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