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“AITA for secretly swapping my mother’s bridesmaid dress? » “I don't have to protect mom from reality.”

“AITA for secretly swapping my mother’s bridesmaid dress?  » “I don't have to protect mom from reality.”
“AITA for secretly swapping my mother’s bridesmaid dress?  » “I don't have to protect mom from reality.”

 


“AITA for secretly swapping my mother’s bridesmaid dress?”

My mother purchased a bridesmaid dress online for her friend's upcoming wedding. She usually wore XL, but when it arrived it didn't fit her. She has a ton of body issues (it's not her fault, my grandmother was horrible to her), and I don't like seeing her get so depressed.

The dress not being fitted was definitely an issue with the shape of the dress in relation to my mother's body shape. She's an apple shape with a wide ribcage, and this dress has an empire waistline that's oddly tight at the waist, cut well for an hourglass or pear shape, but it wouldn't close for my mom.

She asked if I could get the dress out in her size, and I told her I would work on it (I sew). I ended up ordering another one of the exact same dress to fit her measurements, but had to go up to a 5x to get one with a size that would fit her ribcage.

I knew she would be mortified, even though it was just a subjective size, so I swapped out the tags inside the dress and told her I had contacted the company and they had accidentally labeled her first dress as XL and sent her the correct XL Dress.

Obviously the 5x fit her like a glove, then I was able to adjust the bust and shoulders so they fit really well, and I added flutter sleeves (it was sleeveless and they made her look more comfortable).

She loves this dress now and happily believes it's a size XL, but my sister found out what I did when she found the original dress in my closet. (I couldn't return it because I removed the size tag). She got this story out of me and she's mad at me because of it.

She says lying to my mom isn't doing her any favors and is indulging her body image issues instead of convincing her to own them. She says I stole her opportunity to see how height is just a subjective number and now she'll be mortified if she figures it out and twice as humiliated if she realizes I hid the truth .

My sister threatens to tell him. She yelled at me that I had no right to say what mom was ready for. She says I don’t have to protect mom from reality. I feel like my sister is really excited, but I don't know why, and I don't see what's so wrong with considering my mother's feelings.

Please tell me if I'm not seeing this clearly and if my sister is right, because she might be, but I feel like she's just being weird. I finally got him to agree to only tell Mom after the wedding, but I'm not sure I trust him.

For clarification: she is my older sister, 7 years older than me. I am 34 years old, mother 60 years old. We also have a little brother. I've struggled with my height my whole life and recently lost a lot of weight, so I feel like I understand how my mother feels more than my sister because she's been very thin all her life. life. I'm also closer to my mother and I know how much she will overreact. AITA?

Here's what the top commenters had to say about this one:

Lisbon said:

NTA but your sister is definitely A. I can tell you from experience that trying to convince someone of your mother's generation that size is a subjective issue and that she should own her body won't work at all. You tried to do a good thing. Your only mistake was not destroying the evidence, huh. Maybe ask your sister why she wants to hurt her own mother so much?

Major_Barnacle_2212 said:

NTA. You have altered the dress to fit as requested. If it needed to be changed by replacing it and swapping the label, there was no need to explain the details to your mother. She loved the dress.

It's your sister who has a complex about this. Neither of you need to use a dress size as a teaching moment. Literally the only moment that matters is when she tries on the dress and loves it. Whatever it takes to put your sister in her place – including sharing these comments – do it. His motivation seems to be more about hurting your mother than helping her.

barbie99 said:

NTA – You did something nice and your sister is so deep in the chronic online ulta body positivity crap that she doesn't even possess any empathy anymore. It's really disgusting. If it's “just a number,” why does your sister care so much?

Pterodactyl_Noises said:

I think you're a wonderful girl, and your sister is really the opposite. Get rid of the other dress as soon as possible. NTA.

KittenMadeOfStardust said:

NTA. You are absolutely adorable to do this for your mother and give her some confidence and happiness. It doesn't hurt anyone. Your sister, on the other hand, would rather hurt your mother than let her have a nice time feeling good and comfortable in her own skin at a special event.

I agree with the other commenter who said to show these comments to your sister. She needs to know that telling your mother will only upset her at a time when she would otherwise be feeling fine.

Adjustment_Following_6841 said:

NTA. It was a sensitive and kind thing to do, given your mother's emotions regarding weight and body image. You are a loving daughter (and a good seamstress!) Your sister, on the other hand…

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