“Is AITA buying my daughter-in-law a second-hand bridesmaid dress? » “I spend about $1,000 on dresses.”

“Is AITA buying my daughter-in-law a second-hand bridesmaid dress?”

I'm getting married in December this year. I am bringing 2 daughters into this marriage. They are 8 and 12 years old. My fiancé also has a daughter from a previous marriage, Kiki (15 years old). All 3 girls are at my wedding, with Kiki as my bridesmaid.

I let all my guests choose their dresses, as long as they are all the same color and within a certain budget. I also pay for each of them. Kiki sent me a link to the dress she liked and I thought it was pretty. I planned to order it once the other members of the wedding party sent me what they wanted.

One evening I was browsing Facebook and one of the buy/sell groups I'm a part of showed me the dress Kiki had sent me. It has only been used once at a wedding and is in perfect condition. You can't even tell it's been worn before. It was also due to his size.

So, I thought it would be cheaper to buy this since it's a dress that she will probably also wear once and never again. The new dress online costs $200. The person was selling it for $50 and just wanted it gone. I saw the dress in person. No stains, no odors. Really a good deal. So, I bought it.

When I told Kiki, she got angry and said she was the only one who didn't get a brand new dress. I pointed out that I am still buying her new shoes, accessories (again all of her choosing), doing alternations on the dress if necessary, she will get her hair and makeup done with us.

If I found another wedding party member's dress in similar condition and at a cheaper price in a Facebook group or at a thrift store, I would buy it. As it stands, I'm spending about $1,000 on dresses for all 5 members of my bridal party. If I can save a little money, I will.

Kiki wants me to buy her the brand new dress. I spoke with my fiancé and he agrees with me. We told Kiki that if she wanted a brand new dress, she could pay the difference. She's still mad at us. Other members of my husband's family feel that I am a cheap person and should just buy the new dress. AITA?

Here's what the top commenters had to say about this one:

Doctor_Seagull said:

YTA. Your reasoning was completely valid. Weddings are expensive, so save where you can. The dress you found is like new and the right size. Like you said, it's a total theft. Too late now, but why did you inform Kiki that you found him used? Did she really need to know? She visibly feels distinguished by her future mother-in-law.

Everyone gets a new dress and she gets a second-hand one. Then, instead of seeing her position, you tell her she can pay $150 to buy a new dress. I understand that you're being practical, but that's not a good start to fostering a good relationship between you and Kiki. You coldly ignored his feeling of exclusion.

Scottish_wools said:

YTA. You think like an adult trying to save money instead of a 15 year old. I mean you're leaning directly into the trope of Cinderella's evil stepmother. Give your 2 girls new things and they will get used to pretty good and thrifty clothes. I want to save money, but you've made Kiki feel like she's inferior and that sucks and is a really shitty way to start a marriage and your in-laws.

AmateurExpert__ said:

YTA – not a question of money, but of principle. By doing this (whether or not you say you would have done the same for your biological daughters), you have essentially said “you are worth less than the other two.”

I get it, weddings are an expensive game, but this wasn't the place to save money; Consider the 150 years as an investment in equality within your stepfamily, you will set the stage for the functioning of the family dynamic.

Age uncertain said:

YTA, I'm afraid. Your logic is sound, but this is an emotional moment and event – ​​logic is not your friend here. And ask Kiki to pay the difference for a dress for your wedding was really in bad shape.

Too late, but better to have asked her if she would prefer a new dress, or the same dress worn once + the difference in cash. The argument that you are buying her shoes etc. doesn't hold water because you are doing this for your biological daughters.

Consider a redesign – this dress is tainted. Tell Kiki you were wrong to choose practicality over feelings. Ask Kiki if she would like to start from scratch and find a brand new dress.

Moonlight9642 said:

YTA – your daughters are getting NEW dresses that they will only wear once, so if you are so concerned about wasting money, buy all the dresses second hand or buy your daughter in law a brand new dress cheap. She shouldn't have to pay anything.

Mandalabouquet said:

YTA and the in-laws are wondering why they have a bad reputation…unless you plan on buying the other kids as well, then this was out of order.