Q. My 32 year old daughter brought her new boyfriend to meet me for the first time. I was not prepared for its short and square construction. . . or his bald head, but I could accept those surprises. What touched me was his shirt and his shoes. The shirt had one of those high collars. . . a man mandarin collar. Sure, it was a style I had seen in stores, but on him it looked like he was covering something. Fat men should not wear high, tight collars.
Then I looked down and saw his shoes. The toes have come to the point! The thing that crossed my mind was: What kind of man wears pointy shoes?The story does not end here, because, on getting to know the man, I discovered that he had a lot of character flaws to hide, and I was happy when my daughter got rid of him. So take that as a warning, you men. Watch how you dress when you meet the woman who could become your mother-in-law.
A. – Well, you just said what I’ve been trying to say for years: even if it’s not fair, people make all kinds of judgments about us based on what we wear. After all, at first glance or in a first meeting, that’s all they have to do. They don’t know our history; they don’t know our IQ; they don’t know our strengths. What they know is what they see.
When I was writing my book, Dress for Excellence, I interviewed a variety of very successful businessmen and professionals, asking for their opinions on the connection between the way men dressed and the way the world. perceived them. One of the most succinct answers I got was from the president of a prestigious university. Everything a person decides and uses says something about that person. The car he drives, the movies he goes to, the music he listens to, and the newspapers he reads all tell you something.
Clothes tell you right away, of course, because you see them right away. Signals can be misleading; but since the style and type of clothing is determined by the individual (no one twists their arm to wear a particular style), they can be revealing often, I believe, with precision.
A woman I spoke to told me that there are occasions when she attends a large reception with many men talking to each other. In an ocean of similarities, she said she usually walks up to talk with a man who stood out from the crowd by wearing a nice tie.Our lives are filled with so many elements over which we have no control. : our background, our morphology, our coloring, etc., etc. But we to do have things we can control. . . and what we wear and how we choose to present ourselves to the world is part of it.
To those who are skeptical, I say think back to a time when you first met someone and you were less dressed than your best. You suspect he formed an unspoken opinion about you at the time and never changed it. You are probably right. After all, changing your mind is no different from you. When was the last time you revised your opinion of someone you didn’t think was top notch?
Why put yourself in an awkward position when it’s so easy to avoid? If you want to be welcomed, accepted by others, think more about the clothes you wear. It is not difficult to do.
- Make conservative / traditional clothing choices (as you would for a job interview);
- Learn to coordinate the colors of what you are wearing;
- Choose colors that flatter your coloring and are not too strong;
- Make sure your clothes fit well;
- Be thorough about your grooming.
I’ve always stressed the importance of this in business relationships, because losing out there just on clothes is the last thing you want. . . but maybe losing in a relationship because of what you wear could be even worse. Or in more current terminology, you want them to slide to the right, not to the left!
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