Well boys, it’s official. Cargo pants are back in style!
At least that’s the news that’s coming out of the press at Rolling stone, so that must be true, right? “Cargo pants are officially back”, the music and culture publication complaints in a recent fashion column. Yes, the all-American man is in vogue again.
I jumped out of bed this morning with new life after seeing my all-time favorite sons coming back. I couldn’t wait to throw it in my daughter’s face either. “Wake up, I’m in fashion again!” I wrote in a text message.
She and her friends have always laughed at me for wearing cargo clothes, and basically anything that has enough pockets to hold my wallet, sandwich fixins, and about six beers. They find it odd that I dare to go out in public as if I were on a special assignment for National Geographic. But these little punks are completely oblivious to the style. Cargo pants are the epitome of menswear, and they’re here to stay!
Freighters have had a bad reputation in the fashion world, mainly because they only come in green and brown and look like something a soldier might wear while invading a country. They have some sort of anti-fit personality, and almost any man, big or small, can look good to them. But women, wow, man, they hate cargo with an all-powerful passion. Yes, even more than a man’s worn out underwear; more than him rinsing beer cans before throwing them in the trash; and more than a t-shirt with yellow spots. Seriously, anyone who’s ever put on a pair for a “date night” understands that hell doesn’t have a fury like a woman about to dine with Indiana Jones.
Weren’t going to loot graves, damn mother!
Cargo pants are so unappreciated by female persuasion, in fact, that it is almost impossible for a man to wear them. ALL ability even around the house without feeling the constant, throbbing gaze of a rabid cargo ship in the distance. This deadly glare (you know you’ve seen it) is presumably some ancient ninja spirit trick that, if done correctly, can sturdy stitched cotton blends flare up. We suspect that the numerous reports of men succumbing to what appears to be spontaneous combustion over the years are attributed to pyrokinetic crimes.
Many of the girlfriends tried to instill a total ban on a man’s cargo-drobe. Yet the men, at least the devious ones with cajones at all, did an admirable job of keeping them alive. It’s like Charles Bukowski said, “Never give them that spark because as long as you have that spark you can rekindle the bigger fire.” So, as long as a man can find a way to keep some old cargo pants or cargo shorts hidden away somewhere, there is always an opportunity to resurrect these bastards.
And that moment is now!
Rolling Stone attributes the latest resurgence of cargo pants to hip-hop culture. “The genre has completely redefined fashion, bringing streetstyle to haute couture and haute couture to the streets,” the column says. This cargo comeback is said to be part of a trend that began over twenty years ago when military clothing was something seen on hip-hop artists from Jay-Z to Destiny’s Child.
But the truth is, these pants never really went anywhere. They have been worn by real men for decades, no matter how much they have been showcased recently by forward-thinking generations.
Cargo pants were designed for durability, and this is especially true in the grand scheme of their overall acceptance among non-cool. Guys who love these pants aren’t sharing how they found their way back into the mainstream. We were just happy that we could finally wear them again without having to kick Gen Z’s ass
Most of us, however, believe that anyone who loses between $ 300 and $ 400 on those recommended by Rolling Stone uses narcotics. Haute couture or not, still only spoke of cargo pants. Fortunately, there are still plenty of places to buy a pair of cargoes for under $ 100. If you’re like me, you’ve probably even got some worn green pants in the back of your closet, ready to wear. Stop trying to undo this classic style. Like it or not, pocket pants are forever a legend. Sorry, kids, but it’s true!
Now, if you will excuse me. I have sandwiches to make.
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