The little boy was dressed in Grandfather’s lucky hat, his suit, very tall, and shoes, very long and wide.
The little girl was dressed in grandmother’s ruffles. The dress dragged across the floor as if the girl was a queen at a royal wedding. Swimming on his feet were slippers that were five sizes too big.
The children were playing moaning.
Oooh, my sore back, the boy said as he stood up from the EZ chair.
My fingers were aching, the girl said, rubbing the boys’ backs.
My knees are killing me, the boy said.
The girl rubbed her neck. It’s as stiff as a board, she said.
I can’t believe they were grandparents already, the boy said. Time was passing so quickly.
Yeah, it’s hell to get old, said the girl.
The boy chuckled. You said hell, he said. Then he looked the girl up and down. There are a lot of miles on the old jalopy, he said.
You are talking about me? the girl asked.
The boy quickly changed the subject. Remember when we walked two miles uphill to school in 40’s under temperatures?
Yeah, it was still a blizzard back then, the girl said. Even in summer. Kids today don’t know how good they are
The boy rubbed his stomach. Remember when we had to eat cow’s tongue for supper and liver soup for lunch?
Yuck, said the girl. Yuck, yuck, yuck.
Maybe we should be boiling hot dogs for the grandchildren, the boy said. Or make them mac and cheese.
With candy bars for dessert, the girl said. Spoil them rotten.
They made their way to the kitchen, the boy dragging his pants behind him and the girls’ feet getting lost in the slippers.
Do you know how to light the stove? the girl asked.
No, never had to do it in 40 years, the boy said with a breath.
You’re lucky not to starve, said the girl.
The boy looked around the kitchen. Now where did I leave my glasses? He asked.
Now where did I leave mine? said the girl.
The couple returned to the living room and began to search the EZ chair and sofa.
What is this? the boy said. I can’t find my glasses, but I found four remotes under the sofa.
Why did I enter this room? the girl asked. What was I gonna say?
Luckily we’ve been married 40 years, so I can finish all your sentences, the boy said, adjusting his lucky hat.
Why are you carrying this ugly thing around the house? said the girl. If I haven’t labeled your shirts, you will wear them inside out.
I was looking for my phone, the boy said.
No you weren’t, said the girl. You were looking for the cat.
Anyway, the boy said. His hell is getting old.
The girl chuckled. You said hell.
The children winked exaggeratedly at each other, throwing their whole bodies into the effort.
Holy pimp, show some common sense, said the girl. And stop sucking yourself.
Okee-dokee, the boy said, pulling up his pants. My panties keep falling off. Maybe if you fed me every now and then I could keep some meat on my bones.
The girl had an idea. Let’s play the Sunday driver, she suggested.
The children sat on the sofa and pretended to be in a car.
The boy was driving. Maniac, he cried, as an imaginary car passed him.
Who’s the idiot driving 35 in the fast lane? the girl yelled.
The trip ended with the car skidding to stop in the garage.
Who’s the kid in the backseat? he asked, waving his thumb at a cat sitting on the back of the couch.
He’s our grandson, said the girl.
Looks like a cat to me, said the boy.
The boy and the girl got out of the car moaning.
See all this stuff stacked on the rafters? said the boy to grandson the cat. Someday it will all be yours.
One man’s trash is another’s treasure, the girl said.
The cat, having none, ran and hid behind a pile of old photo albums in a corner of the room.
The boy took an album and started flipping through the pages.
These were the days, the boy said. Blink once and you’re 65. Blink twice and you’re 80.
The girl has turned the page.
Yeah, time flies. My fingers are killing me.
The boy grabbed the album and put it on the cat’s tail. Grandson the cat howled.
Oooh, my back hurts, the boy said. Let’s go find mom and see about that mac and cheese.