Trump is in town. Here's just some of what he taught us. • Minnesota Reformer

The Minnesota Republican Party is welcoming Donald Trump to headline its annual Lincoln-Reagan Dinner, and I'm disappointed that I won't be able to bring my two young sons past bedtime because he has so much to teach.

I managed to cobble together a few Trump life lessons for my boys and thought I'd share them.

Telling the truth is not important. You can make up lies about how President Obama wasn't born in this country, or say that Senator Ted Cruz's father was involved in the Kennedy assassination, or claim that Mexico will pay for your border wall , or lie about financial records, or even say that wind turbines cause cancer. , or pretend you won Minnesota when you obviously didn't, and none of that matters, because the truth doesn't matter when it comes to achieve the important goals: money, power, attention and satisfying your sexual urges. If you lose, just pretend the other team cheated. (This will be good news for my hypercompetitive 7-year-old.) If you lose the Iowa caucus, say Ted Cruz cheated. If you lose your re-election, report the fraud. No matter how many times you lose in court or how many recounts confirm your losses, just keep saying it and your fans will follow. If you don't know a subject, pretend to talk about it confidently. Trump was once asked about the nuclear triad (missiles, submarines, bombers) and he was perplexed, but listen to him dominate the questioner with power: I think, for me, nuclear is not that power, devastation is very important. volume. During the pandemic, he soothed us all during a White House briefing: And then I see the disinfectant, which knocks him out in a minute. One minute. And is there a way to do something like that, by injection inside or almost by cleaning. Because you see, it gets into the lungs, and it has a huge impact on the lungs. So it would be interesting to check this. Only idiots pay their bills. At least 60 lawsuits, as well as hundreds of liens, judgments and other government documents reviewed by the USA TODAY NETWORK, document people who have accused Trump and his companies of not paying them for their work. Among them: a dishwasher in Florida. A glass company in New Jersey. A carpet company. A plumber. Painters. Forty-eight servers. It's okay to fail, especially if you were born rich. As Donald Trump has shown repeatedly, a casino company can indeed go bankrupt. Trump also failed to make money in other industries: steaks, vodka, an airline, a professional football team, mortgages. It's not like anyone made any money in these industries, so it's clearly not the Don's fault. The U.S. Constitution was written to give the president unlimited powers. I have Article II, where I have the right to do whatever I want as president. And of course, that includes full immunity from any crime you might commit as president, including murdering your re-election opponent. American war dead are losers and losers. As Jeffrey Goldberg reported in 2020, Trump sought to avoid visiting a famous World War I cemetery, both because the rain might cause him to lose his hair! and because he saw no reason to honor American veterans: why should I go to this cemetery? It's full of losers. In a separate conversation during the same trip, Trump called the more than 1,800 Marines who died at Belleau Wood suckers for being killed. When you're a star, they let you do it. You can do anything. Use every lever at your disposal to slander your adversaries, including threatening to withhold material support from our allies in Ukraine. Never do anything unless the person gives you something in return. I mean, duh. Trump recently showed this when he told oil company executives that if they raised $1 billion in cash for his campaign, he would push for lower taxes and looser regulation of the industry. That’s the art of the deal! Marital vows: not important. To get vaccinated.

I'm sure I missed a lot of Trump's rules for life. I hope the fat cats at the GOP dinner take notes and send them to me.

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