We got locked down at the last minute and I had to spend the big day with my ex

The year was 2020 and Christmas itself hung in the balance. We had spent the last nine months in and out of Covid lockdowns. Initially, we responded with complete diligence, united in fear and grief. But then we entered into an endless hokey-cokey of being allowed out, then back in, then outside for a bit, then again for a bit. Obligatory Scotch eggs was a particularly low point. By winter, the rules had become confusing and often seemed impossible to follow.

Nevertheless, hope took over. We hadn't seen our extended families in so long and the government promised that Christmas would not be canceled. Christmas always seems a bit high stakes, even in normal times, but this one had been dialed up to 11. We all missed the extended absences from family. Plus, my son was five, the perfect age to enjoy Christmas deals. I co-parent with my son's father (myex) and, as luck would have it, it was my turn to have my son on Christmas day. We were going to stay with my parents in Dorset and that was how it was had be a good one.

I'm a planner at heart, so the slight uncertainty made me a freak. I held my horses as best I could and waited until mid-December to allow me to buy presents for everyone I had to see. I also started emptying the fridge of perishables, ready for our big adventure.

Cut to December 20, when it was announced that, in fact, neither of us were going anywhere. Reader, I was angry.

After some quick discussions about how best to protect the specialness of the following week for the child in our lives, we decided to spend Christmas at home: me, my son, my girlfriend, and my ex. All together, in one room, all day, just us. It was like the emotional equivalent of throwing a packet of Mentos into a two-liter bottle of Coke. My ex lived locally and was already in my Covid bubble. It wasn't our own private Partygate, but the not-with-him-but-with-her relationship dynamic was only a year old. The setup was still a work in progress. What could go wrong?

But to everyone's surprise, we all got along like a house on fire. Discovering that Christmas could be done our way without being subject to the whims of our elders seemed liberating.

At Christmas, my family usually likes to drink a lot and eat late. It sounds great, but when dinner keeps dragging on, from 4 p.m. to 6 p.m. to 8 p.m., you're already hungover by the time the turkey shows up. Attempting to enjoy a massive feast in a fugue state after a day fueled by snacks, alcohol, and anticipation is nearly impossible. Add kids to the mix and you're guaranteed to shed a few tears, too.

My ex came from the opposite Christmas tradition: It was a day full of extreme formalities and militarily precise timings, where each year was the same as the last: dinner at 1:06 p.m., followed by an hour and 47 minutes brutal board games. Add kids to the mix and you're guaranteed to shed a few tears, too.

They used to play through the package, but instead of rewards inside the diapers there were challenges. One year, I saw an aunt deliberately pause the music so that her son-in-law could dare to wander around the table like a dog.

Left to our own devices, we abandoned these traditions. Instead, we created new ones, including: slow, easy, team-based cooking; board games and gifts and then more board games; breaks for fresh air, exercise, baths, or other necessary alone time. I also made a triumphant starter of chestnut soup, which we all said we would happily eat every day for the rest of the year.

In short, it was perfect. Until I went to get the turkey that was sitting in the kitchen, only to find that one of the cats had gotten there first. Just to make his point, he also dragged it across the kitchen floor. But I was still much less angry with the cat than with Boris Johnson; he never promised to behave properly.

We really pulled off our last minute mess and it changed the course of our Christmas traditions for good. Now, instead of taking turns taking our son to our respective family homes, we start again every three years. We spend Christmas at home, just us, a crazy, modern, confusing mess of a family. So, 2020 was the year that Christmas finally went well.

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