Welcome to Declassified, a weekly column devoted to the lighter side of politics.
In a year full of terrible news, things have really gotten worse… you can no longer own a walrus in Brussels!
Yes, these pesky and intrusive bureaucrats only went to ban dolphinaria in the Belgian capital. And not only does this prevent you from having a defending porpoise or narwhal in your zoo or bath, but they’ve extended the ban to include marine predators, such as sea lions and walruses. Fortunately, Flanders and Wallonia have not implemented such bans.
Asked for a comment, John lennon was so clueless that all he could handle was “goo goo g’joob”. Tragic.
The ban may be to prevent walruses from being smuggled into France and served in a rich butter sauce at clandestine and chic dinners.
France is still in shock after hidden camera footage appeared to show people enjoying caviar and champagne at secret dinners in Paris costing up to 490 (the same price as a lunch for two without dessert in the European Quarter of Brussels). It goes without saying that a) despite strict measures against coronaviruses, there were very few masks and social distancing and a lot of kisses, and b) despite strict measures against coronaviruses, government ministers have reportedly been involved although the sourcing for this is quite doubtful.
Asked for a comment, a spokesperson for Lyse Palace could not be understood as they were eating a roasted quail.
One of the guests in the streak was later identified as Pierre-Jean Chalenon, a former TV presenter who appears to play in the same progressive rock band as the controversial Doctor Didier Raoult, referred to as something like Hydroxychloroquine For The Eternal Soul. , Twilight of the Vaccine Gods or Aqua Nebula Oscillator (one of those is a real band).
At least the French diners had a seat at their party, which is more than can be said for Ursula von der Leyen when she and Charles Michel visited Turkish President Recep Tayyip Erdoan and she been relegated to the couch while the alpha grizzly males have chairs. (probably equipped with integrated beer racks and refrigerators).
It was all rather embarrassing, but it could have been worse: The European couple could have been visiting the Kremlin and seeing Michel giving himself a large rock to sit on, with von der Leyen sitting on the floor and a shirtless Vladimir Putin. circling them on horseback.
“I came back! And I’m the best bunny for the job. The best. The absolute best.
Can you do better? E-mail [email protected] or on Twitter @pdallisonesque
Last week we gave you this photo:
Thanks for all the input. Here’s the best of our mailbag (there’s no prize apart from the gift of laughter, which I think we can all agree is far more valuable than money or booze).
“Keep looking on Google, there is definitely some good news about the immunization program out there, by Rob Ramshaw
Paul Dallison is POLITICOslots news editor.
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