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Can I say something about when sports commentary just isn’t cricket | Jonathan Bouquet

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lWith trepidation I turned on the highlights of the last day of the Oval Test on the BBC. Could England chase a challenging target or would we be jumped? As you know it didn’t end well. But my nervousness soon turned to annoyance. While Jasprit Bumrah and co were spinning the stumps, Phil Tufnell and his fellow commentators shouted repeatedly, He must go!

This is the kind of language you would expect from the more hysterical football connoisseurs, but cricket? What’s Wrong With And That’s Sure Off Or Bowled Neck And Crop? I am sure that the commentators of Christopher-Martin Jenkins of old, John Arlott, would decry such vulgarity.

There has been a lot of talk lately about the demise of the suit and tie. Tie? You wouldn’t wear one on your ankle, would you? It reminds me of a colleague who insisted on using the word headbutt. I once told him not to say footkick or fist punch – head is otiosis. I was greatly tempted as he exited the building to kick him in the back, but wiser advice prevailed.

You can always rely on the Telegraphs Ambrose Evans-Pritchard to expand your vocabulary. Last week was no exception: but that doesn’t rule out a slow-motion dringolade that will put an end to the illusions of Chinese economic exceptionalism. What a beautiful word and so much better than rapid decline. I dare you to take it up in your local conversation.

Finally I have to pass on this gem, an old Afghan saying, by Patrick Kidds Time Diary: My enemies enemies friends enemy who was my friend is my enemy until he is not. Truly Rumsfeldian. No wonder Dominic Raab stayed on his pedal boat.

Jonathan Bouquet is a columnist for Observer

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2/ https://www.theguardian.com/theobserver/commentisfree/2021/sep/12/may-i-have-a-word-about-when-sports-commentary-is-just-not-cricket

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