Ask Amy: Football Conflicts, Just a Gigolo, and Other Marital Mishaps

Dear readers: With wedding season upon us, I'm rewriting a favorite 2021 column dedicated to reader-submitted wedding mishaps.

Perhaps reading about some of the things that can go wrong at a wedding will inspire people to avoid these pitfalls.

And if these incidents cannot be avoided, married couples can try to embrace them and laugh about it all later.

So take a seat at the singles table and enjoy!

Dear Amy: My brother got married at our home, in front of a bay window with a beautiful view of the Concord River.

Halfway through the ceremony, his high school stoner friend arrived in a canoe, stumbled ashore, and wobbled his way into the garden in full view of the guests. Hilarious backdrop!

I was sober

Dear Amy: My friend from long ago invited me as his plus one.

Once we got there it was clear he was invited solo as there was no seating chart for me.

My father once said: There is always someone at a wedding who shouldn't be there. In that case, it was me!

Plus one

Dear Amy: My two brothers-in-law offered to be our photographers for our wedding.

My sisters had all just had their firstborns.

There were a few pictures of my husband and me, but most were of their little darlings.

The other photos were of my husband's buxom niece with her revealing cleavage. Sigh.

Got caught

Dear Amy: The first song at my uncle's second wedding: David Lee Roth's cover of Just a Gigolo.

And the bride's uncle later had a heart attack while dancing the polka.

Danced out

Dear Amy: My boyfriend and his date Sheila were busy kissing on the dance floor. Later Sheila tried it with some other (married) guests and my mother told me how handsome she thought the groom was.

My mother replied: Yes, that is my new son-in-law.

Good times

Dear Amy: An unsupervised child at my wedding ran around and ran into a door. Got a bloody nose. The mother went to my father (father of the bride) to demand that the venue's wedding planner be fired for negligence. They stormed out when my father refused.

(The kid was fine, by the way!)

Still married

Dear Amy: Before booking any vendors, we let immediate family members know what date we had ultimately chosen for our wedding.

My parents said, …but we have tickets for the Notre Dame football tournament that day.

We tried other dates but they all interfered with their football ticket schedule.

We don't talk anymore.

Irish fight

Dear Amy: I had locked the keys in a moving limousine outside the church (in the 80's), which meant I needed a phone book and the pastor's office phone to rush to find a locksmith.

Left out

Dear Amy: I was a member of a flash mob at the reception. Short version of the story: Another member of the crowd couldn't kick as high as he thought he could (due to tight pants), and ended up kicking the bride in the head. Everyone was okay.

We have video!

Dear Amy: When I was 20, I was at a friend's wedding. We rented a room together. I woke up in the middle of the night with a pounding headache, so I drank a glass of water.

It was the groom's contact lens solution and his lenses.

Taste buds are 20/20

Dear Amy: Our rabbi thought that our afternoon The wedding was at 6 p.m. Fortunately, one of our guests found a replacement rabbi who stopped by to marry us on his way to a funeral he was officiating.

Our marriage has lasted 28 years.

Luckily it lasted

Dear Amy: My college roommate wanted a child-free wedding, but her family got the idea that kids wouldn't be involved.

At the reception, a niece ran laps around the room and then vomited all over herself on the stage at the front of the room during the meal.

I won't have what she has

Dear Amy: The mother of the bride caught my buddy and his intended in a vulnerable position in the bridal suite (and neither of them were members of the bridal party).

I can't undo that

Dear Amy: My best friend's (drunk) uncle was the officiant.

The drunken uncle cleared his throat, pulled out a page he had torn from his hotel room Bible, and began.

Gideonsweg

Dear Amy: When I was received at my wedding, one of the guests said: If I had known you didn't have a nice dress, I would have lent you mine.

Dressed

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Ask Amy is coming to an end on June 30, 2024, after 21 years. You can email Amy Dickinson at [email protected] or send a letter to Ask Amy, PO Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068.