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Euro 2020 – Alvaro Morata: A talented and terrible footballer in the same body – The Warm-Up





Schrdinger’s Spaniard

Spain spent so much time convincing Aymeric Laporte to become Spanish that they forgot to devote resources to seeking a new nationality for Alvaro Morata.

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There are players who are permanently fixated with an alarmed expression, their brains working overtime to ruin their big moment. While the Warm-Up is often plagued by the useless (but probably true) nothing you write is funny or insightful, at least we are spared our torment unfolding live on TV in millions of homes.

When the ball bounced kindly into the penalty area during the first half of Spain v Sweden, Morata looked destined to score. Every professional football player would dream of this opportunity. His brain had other ideas: you are useless and no one believes in you. A second later he had played a wonderful pass on the billboard.

It must be strange knowing that a hugely talented footballer, and a completely terrible one, is wrapped in your one body. Schrdinger’s Spaniard maybe. You don’t become Spain’s leading striker without a lot of talent, nor do you play for Real Madrid, Juventus and Atletico Madrid. Give him a chance when there isn’t a split second to think and we’d usually back him to score.

Morata is not solely responsible for the goalless draw. Gerard Moreno came off the bench to remind us why Morata is the best dog, he missed an even easier chance in the last minute, while Marcus Berg held sway and he played for Sweden. But neither of them has a face that screams football makes me miserable and nothing tempts you to click on a story like a miserable face.

Had we not seen the match, this would be a good point to commend Sweden for its determined and heroic display. Have you seen Victor Lindelof? Excellent. The problem is, we did see Victor Lindelof and his contemporaries, and he was anything but excellent. Robin Olsen was great in goal and by great we mean he made one good save then the ball was fired at him but it could have easily been 5-0. Fortunately for Victor Lindelof (it just doesn’t sound right without the first name-last name combination), UEFA didn’t watch the match and named him man of the match.

As a result, Sweden will crash out of Euro 2020 long before the company ends. But Spain might be able to go for a run together, if they can find the switch for Morata’s brain.

Scotland, what a tournament

When Scotland fail to qualify for Euro 2040, their 10th consecutive tournament supporting everyone but England, they can always remember the glorious summer of 2021.

They will always have those 41 unadulterated minutes when anything seemed possible: the Flower of Scotland reverberating in Hampden Park, Andy Robertson as prime Roberto Carlos, fans wandering around trying to grab tickets to the semi-finals. That’s a friendly way of saying the Scots are already out of the tournament after losing to the Czech Republic.

We didn’t come here for a learning experience, but if we have to learn lessons from it, of course that’s what’s good, said manager Steve Clarke. We came here to be competitive and I think we were. Sometimes a football game doesn’t go the way you want and today was that day.

The lesson learned? Don’t lose to the Czech Republic if England and Croatia are also in your group, even with the bullshit rule for places-for-almost-everyone-in-the-last-16. (I expect to see copies of this article plastered to the dressing room walls for motivation. Steve, you’re welcome)


Evidence: Haaland goes to Man City

Or Riyad Mahrez goes to Borussia Dortmund.

The Norwegian (in summer pajamas) and Algerian were filmed partying together or waving tea towels over their heads in an empty bar in Mykonos. Make it what you want.


End the search. Stop counting. We have a winner in the coveted Most Underwhelming Commentary Moment In History category.

Anyone still convinced that Patrik Schick’s strike isn’t everything? Here’s a look from a different, more revealing angle…

Still not buying? Just look where the ball is in this photo and change your mind right away.

Patrick Schick’s goal against Scotland

Image Credit: Getty Images


Scotland had four unadulterated minutes on their last appearance at a major tournament before it all went wrong. Relive the goals of their entertaining 2-1 defeat to Brazil below. Ahhh, Scotland v Brazil… Those were the days.


It’s time for (Dea)F’s Group. Only two games, but we promise you it’s worth sacrificing the 2pm slot for these barnstormers. Hungary v Portugal (17:00) leads us to France v Germany (20:00).

Marcus Foley is haunted by the knowledge that two terrible football players are trapped in his one body. Anyway, he’s here tomorrow

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