I’d do anything to hold their hand again

Our kids didn’t know Andy’s past. He and I met two years after the earthquake when our work overlapped. Over time, Andy and I fell in love, got married, and had twins. When the boys turned 3, then 4, I found myself searching on the internet, “What is the right age to talk to kids about death?”

I wondered when they would ask about the other boys in framed pictures on our bookshelves or recognize them on their grandmother’s fridge—photos that didn’t change with each new baseball season or dance party like those of the other grandkids. These two sides never get old.

As I looked at my sons—their children’s teeth smiling and their wrists still full of baby fat—I couldn’t help but guess who they would be years from now. Andy often wondered the same about his first children. Last August, the oldest of them, Evan, was 18 years old. Is he going to college? What would his voice sound like?

That August afternoon, we had just finished lunch by a lake near our house when Andy turned to me and said, “I’ll tell them.”

I was worried, not knowing how the boys would take it, but I also reassured Andy’s calm. We got up and started walking along the edge of the lake when Andy stopped and said, “Boys, I have something to tell you.”

They loved his stories and ran to him, each holding his hand.

He said, “Many years ago, when I worked in a country called Haiti, I lived with my two sons and their mother. My sons were about the same age as you – Baptiste was about five, and Evan was seven. Today is actually Evan’s birthday. He would have turned 18. One day, there was a big earthquake.” Explain what an earthquake is, plate tectonics and everything. “I was at work and it was Evan and Batiste and their mom Lawrence and my wife before your mom at home.”

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