Santa Anas is the worst part of life in Los Angeles

Hannah Erickson and Jesse Ng at the Griffith Observatory late last month. Santa Ana winds have been an off-season headache this winter. (Gary Coronado/Los Angeles Times)

When I leave L.A., if I ever leave L.A., it won’t be because of traffic, earthquakes, not having anything close to a good crab cake, or even the seemingly inability of the locals to answer the call to attend for anything.

It will be because of Santa Anas.

They’re blowing now, throwing dust and bits of scorching sun all over it, causing my son’s nose to bleed, my head hurting and dogs digging a lair in the underside of the sofa.

Santa Anas harsh weather without rest; I imagine this is what life on Mars looks like. You can’t pack up or undress to loosen the wind. Blowing hot or cold, producing neither heat nor air conditioning. rattle in windows, whether open or closed; Unless you live in a soundproofed house, the roar will not be denied.

Far from the short-lived, stunning clarity of views that can only be seen when the atmosphere is stripped of cleanliness, the winds bring nothing but woe—broken branches, fallen power lines, and increased drought in an already barren land.

This is the part where I am legally obligated to mention Raymond Chandler and Joan Didion. Both wrote famously about Santa Anas – the first describes him as a tavern-brawling driver and murder, and the second as a reason for honeyed maids and screeching peacocks. Both saw in the winds a metaphor for the alien nature of life here, a regular and inescapable reminder that this is a sprawling city where no city has any natural right to expand.

I envy no one a good metaphor, and I am grateful for both Chandler and Didion’s poetic explorations of the unique nature of Los Angeles. But Santa Anas is not so much noisy as it is noisy. Metaphors do not kill trees and cause mass drought.

In the few but famous paragraphs she devoted to them in her essay “Notes on Los Angeles,” Didion finds connections to similar circumstances in Switzerland, Austria, Israel and France. It grants this “persistent pernicious wind” not only an anthropomorphic intent but close mystical abilities to provoke depression, agitation, and even suicide.

The story continues

There may be legends about Santa Anas, but there is nothing mysterious about it or its effect on the psyche. When you’re snoozing through the days when you have a migraine or trying not to choke on allergy mucus, if you’ve spent your nights doing engineering to determine which of your kids would be killed if that big tree finally fell and wondering why a house in Southern California doesn’t have a basement because that It is where you should all sleep now, there is nothing mysterious about any subsequent depression or excitement.

Santa Anas is stressful, and no one does well when he’s stressed.

This wind is not such a strange and inexplicable phenomenon as “seismic weather”. It is a very physical assault that sucks every bit of moisture from your skin, hair, mouth, nose and sometimes, or so it seems, your mind and your forces you can watch every tree branch, pine cone and palm frond in your vicinity with fear.

It’s not true that no one walks into LA except when Santa Anas blows up.

However, to give Didion its due, her “malicious” use of it seems especially true this year; The timing of the wind appears to be intentional.

There are only a few days left until Los Angeles hosts the Super Bowl for the first time in decades, and the weather has decided the celebration with a warning of heat and wind. Santa Anas may be more visible indoors, but they are happy to provide Inglewood with temperatures of up to 80 degrees.

in February.

On the other hand, what is appalling to the locals, who can hear the mass of snow evaporate every minute, will undoubtedly be most welcome to our Cincinnati guests. (Memo to Bengals fans received: Light Pack.)

Having recently suffered two major winter storms, northeastern Ohio has been dealing with ice levees, which are less fun than they sound. Ice dams occur when snow on warm roofs melts and oozes from eaves, often freezing into curtains of ice so heavy that it damages the home.

So, not as noisy as Santa Anas but harder on walls and floors.

Things are much warmer in the Cincinnati area, but temperatures in Super Bowl Sunday are expected to remain well below freezing.

Whether Bengals fans find the experience of race in February alluring enough to consider moving to Los Angeles, as many Rose Parade viewers have done in the past, or just further evidence that Los Angeles is basically another planet that remains to be seen. Living in a state with an actual hurricane season, any self-respecting Ohio resident wouldn’t be bothered by the winds (although they really should watch out for flying palm fronds). In fact, they might be wondering why the locals are so eccentric.

In this case, someone can hand him this column.

This story originally appeared in the Los Angeles Times.

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