The “3.5 magnitude earthquake aftershock” was actually caused by a decline in commodities in the first year

The following content is completely satirical and completely fictional.

A magnitude 3.5 aftershock struck the campus on April 9 at approximately 5:00 p.m. Although it came a few days after Friday's quake, aftershocks that occur days and even weeks after an earthquake are not very common.

After further investigation, the university discovered that the cause was not seismic activity, but rather the distribution of the Class of 2027 that was occurring at the same time. The audience was more than 900 people, all crowded into the hallways of the second floor of the First Campus Center.

DailyPrintsAnything spoke to a few of those in attendance to learn more about the incident and its aftermath.

Rick Terskail ’27 was reportedly first in line for the event, having shown up “shortly after classes ended the day before.” We spoke to Terskail in a tent he had set up where he had slept the night before. There were several half-empty bottles of Tico juice lying around.

Terscail noticed how the rest of the line for the event began to form more than an hour before its scheduled start. Without much guidance, the Frist Campus Center soon filled with eager first-years.

According to attendee Sue Nawmie ’27, “As soon as they opened the doors, it was like a switch flipped in everyone’s head. There was running and shoving, it felt like rush hour at Late Meal but ten times as fast.

In fact, the tremors weren't the only disaster the first years faced, as the combined heat and smell for the entire potential COS section (and everyone in attendance) pushed the temperatures and humidity to dangerous levels. Although no structural damage was observed, one student, wearing a crew collar in an apparent display of triumph, immediately lost consciousness due to heat stroke.

Meanwhile, the “publications” urge upper-class men to abstain from any fiendish behavior in the first year motivated by free goods and to secure all their possessions vigorously in anticipation of further seismic activity caused by the subsequent “goods drop.”

Sawyer Dilks is a comic book writer and member of the Class of 2027. He plans to wear his new neck for a week straight as a badge of honor for getting out of the event unscathed. Anyone with design recommendations is encouraged to contact him at [email protected].

Get the best of The Prince delivered straight to your inbox. subscribe now ”

What Are The Main Benefits Of Comparing Car Insurance Quotes Online

LOS ANGELES, CA / ACCESSWIRE / June 24, 2020, / Compare-autoinsurance.Org has launched a new blog post that presents the main benefits of comparing multiple car insurance quotes. For more info and free online quotes, please visit https://compare-autoinsurance.Org/the-advantages-of-comparing-prices-with-car-insurance-quotes-online/ The modern society has numerous technological advantages. One important advantage is the speed at which information is sent and received. With the help of the internet, the shopping habits of many persons have drastically changed. The car insurance industry hasn't remained untouched by these changes. On the internet, drivers can compare insurance prices and find out which sellers have the best offers. View photos The advantages of comparing online car insurance quotes are the following: Online quotes can be obtained from anywhere and at any time. Unlike physical insurance agencies, websites don't have a specific schedule and they are available at any time. Drivers that have busy working schedules, can compare quotes from anywhere and at any time, even at midnight. Multiple choices. Almost all insurance providers, no matter if they are well-known brands or just local insurers, have an online presence. Online quotes will allow policyholders the chance to discover multiple insurance companies and check their prices. Drivers are no longer required to get quotes from just a few known insurance companies. Also, local and regional insurers can provide lower insurance rates for the same services. Accurate insurance estimates. Online quotes can only be accurate if the customers provide accurate and real info about their car models and driving history. Lying about past driving incidents can make the price estimates to be lower, but when dealing with an insurance company lying to them is useless. Usually, insurance companies will do research about a potential customer before granting him coverage. Online quotes can be sorted easily. Although drivers are recommended to not choose a policy just based on its price, drivers can easily sort quotes by insurance price. Using brokerage websites will allow drivers to get quotes from multiple insurers, thus making the comparison faster and easier. For additional info, money-saving tips, and free car insurance quotes, visit https://compare-autoinsurance.Org/ Compare-autoinsurance.Org is an online provider of life, home, health, and auto insurance quotes. This website is unique because it does not simply stick to one kind of insurance provider, but brings the clients the best deals from many different online insurance carriers. In this way, clients have access to offers from multiple carriers all in one place: this website. On this site, customers have access to quotes for insurance plans from various agencies, such as local or nationwide agencies, brand names insurance companies, etc. "Online quotes can easily help drivers obtain better car insurance deals. All they have to do is to complete an online form with accurate and real info, then compare prices", said Russell Rabichev, Marketing Director of Internet Marketing Company. CONTACT: Company Name: Internet Marketing CompanyPerson for contact Name: Gurgu CPhone Number: (818) 359-3898Email: [email protected]: https://compare-autoinsurance.Org/ SOURCE: Compare-autoinsurance.Org View source version on accesswire.Com:https://www.Accesswire.Com/595055/What-Are-The-Main-Benefits-Of-Comparing-Car-Insurance-Quotes-Online View photos