COVID-19: It is practical

It is practical. Is there anything else annoying that the therapist can say? Is it not my job to help people feel better, not just to explain? However, sometimes I have to accept that there is no perfect roadmap or tool to present to my clients. We just have to admit it is practical and sit in a place where things feel messy and cohesive and full of irreconcilable contradictions.

Sitting at my desk at home, looking at the same scene I looked at for several weeks, feeling uncertain about everything, and not finding answers in the newspaper or on Twitter to reassure me … I think this time from COVID-19 is “processing.”

The “process” is very difficult for people. It is not like other types of stress. We do a very good job when there is an immediate big crisis. If there is an earthquake, we go into survival mode and shift our priorities to the basics of life and death. We protect ourselves and our loved ones. While we may be terrified, we may also find relief in giving up the pressure of trying to keep everything in life under our control.

People are also reasonably equipped to manage the reconstruction. The earthquake is over, we assess what we lost, sad and commit to the life that is still with us. This is not a quick or painless transition, but we can generally do this with some support. We may even be active to create a new life more in keeping with our values ​​and desires.

We even have the ability to cope when earthquakes are normal for us and live an extended life or death crisis. It terribly damages our minds and bodies when we have to stay in a chronic survival mode. But we can do that.

Where we end up collapsing and failing even further when we know that the Earth is shaking, but we cannot know how shaken it is. We don’t know whether it will get worse, better, worse, better, better, or worse. We kind of know that we will be fine in the end and sometimes it seems not really that bad but maybe it is that bad and maybe we will not be okay.

This is COVID-19 for us. He is known and unknown, hope and despair, control and no control, safety and insecurity are all interconnected and pushing us into states of mystery and rolling over emotional states. We continue to try to calibrate but we cannot find the sweet point where we can stop slipping and settling. Do I rest or stay awake? Do I stay in survival mode or try to feel normal? Can I do both? Why can’t I do both? Why do I feel so tired?

Although I’m not sure why we did not evolve to be better at handling the process, I know that our inefficiency in handling it guarantees our emotional connectedness. If no one has a process fix, a strategy to defeat it, or a bulleted list of tools to master, what do we have but the convenience of being together?

When I can leave the imagination of magically transporting myself or anyone else out of the annoyance of the process, I really sit in what really COVID-19 time of a human being, to all of us. To anyone mentally or emotionally suffering, I can say it’s not your fault if you rush here. This does not mean anything bad about you. I can say you are not alone. I’m here with you. Even if you feel lonely, even if you are already alone in your home or alone on a hospital ventilation system, you are not alone. My humanity is bound to your humanity, in all certainty and uncertainty, darkness and light, and in all strange distances between them.

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