Valley News – Over Easy: It’s all in pollen

It’s been another great season for pollen, at least for our neighbors and our plant friends. For many humans, this was a time of teary eyes, painful sinuses, and extreme fatigue. Not to mention the headaches rolling like thunderstorms and vertical pressure on the old skull.

Bah, spring.

Some of the recent days, I’ve felt a weight in my head like a bowling ball, and cognitive functions have been absolutely rock bottom. I was going to try to focus, but before you know it, I’ve been staring out the window and daydreaming, or perhaps daydreaming–not warm, pleasant thoughts, like the cold and damp of fog.

Every now and then I would sneeze, a whole-body earthquake would happen, but all I did was free up space for more pollen. And what a bonus there. Some mornings, our cars were covered in a greenish-yellow sheen. Mother Nature, or her followers, used to mock those who believed that we could make the Earth and the stars bow to our desires.

Although my mind slowed down, I moved forward. I poured coffee, misplaced my keys, and left my computer glasses behind when I needed them. I entered the market mask without a mask. I fell back in shame.

Overwhelmed by the head of the vaccine, she developed an idea that seemed perfect at the moment. Why complain about spring allergy season and do nothing about it? Surely we can do more than hold out.

Hello, in my mind, to the Upper Valley Vaccine Festival. At first we call the pollen king and queen, the two allergy sufferers seem lively even in their misery. Surround them with pollen court – members won’t have to be similarly active. They can only grind and sigh as a counterpoint to the royal family. Dress them in gloomy shades of gray and black.

Hold a pollen dance, which features slow music appropriate for mixing sounds. In Pollen 5-K, runners would take a break every hundred feet or so. The sneezing contest will likely not meet the CDC’s guidelines, at least until everyone is vaccinated, and it will be difficult to judge whether masks are still necessary.

I don’t think it would matter much if it was served in food tents, because allergy sufferers can’t muster enthusiasm about sensual matters. Maybe chili can reach them, but I don’t know.

Of course, kids will want to learn things at the pollen festival. That’s all I wanted to do when I was a kid, and I’m sure the instinct is stronger now. The pollen fair will be a sure hit. Don’t underestimate the science. According to Wikipedia, “Pollen is a powdery substance composed of pollen grains which are microgramitophytes of seed plants, which produce male gametes (sperm cells). Pollen has a hard coating made of sporopollenin that protects the gametophytes during the process of their movement from the stamens to the pistil of flowering plants, or from the male cone to the female cone of coniferous plants. If pollen lands on a compatible pistil or female cone, it germinates, producing a tube of pollen that transports the sperm to the egg containing the female gametophyte.”

Of course, all the exciting stuff should be released.

Also for kind minds, someone will have to come up with crafts for the festival. Pollen candy? Huggable pollen fellows? Or, for a nerdy group, make your own microgametophyte? I leave it to the sly people to decide. And what about the amulet? Let’s call it Drippy, and start from there.

There are a lot of ideas to embody, but that’s all I can offer right now in my weak state. (There would likely be an overhead bridge with pollen with crop dust.) No one has taken advantage of pollen tourism, so let me joke my dad when I say its potential isn’t something to sneeze at.

People are now grateful to go anywhere. I hate to say they’re desperate, but they are, and we’d probably get buses from them just to see the new White River Junction rotors if we marketed them right. Super circles! Wonder vanes! And loop games about Rotary.

Do you think the Upper Valley Pollen Festival will be a flash in the pan? According to people smarter than me, climate change is likely to exacerbate spring pollen spreads. An article on the Vox website stated that humans are to blame, in part, for their role in climate change. Spring comes early, and there’s more carbon in the air, which makes the environment pollen-friendly. “Some estimates suggest that pollen counts for all taxa will double by 2040 in some parts of the country, depending on the course the world takes on greenhouse gas emissions,” Fox said.

Och, Osho, pass Claritin.

Dan Mackie lives in western Lebanon. He can be contacted at [email protected].

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