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Asian Adoptees: You are not alone

“How did you find your birth mother? I want to find mine too.”

This was the subject of an email that popped up in my inbox recently. An adopted daughter from Guatemala was seeking advice on how to begin the search for the woman who gave birth to her.

I get a lot of emails with this or similar topics and I know why. In 2018, I detailed my personal journey to find my Filipino birth mother in a three-part series for NPR. The process was surprisingly simple. In the end, I closed the door on an almost lifelong goal with little more than a shooter.

Since posting my story, I've received dozens of emails from other adoptees about finding their birth parents. They flow every month or so, from people at different stages of the process. But they are all looking for one thing:

To finally talk to someone else with whom they have something in common.

What brought these people to me, I have only written about my experience of finding my mother one time there is a complete lack of stories in the media and Hollywood about adoptees and their experiences. At a time when interconnectedness and complexity are crucial to people's identities, adoptees are still somehow left out of the conversation.

They are left out despite the fact that millions of international adoptees live in the US and contribute to society. It's a growing population, as the multibillion-dollar intercountry adoption industry continues to bring thousands of adoptees to the U.S. each year from around the world.

This sense of being neglected was felt deeply by many Asian adoptees, which make up the majority of international adoptees in the US., since the wave of violence against Asian-Americans began amid the COVID-19 pandemic. As Asians, we felt fear. But as adoptees, our fears were often dismissed by our white families and our more Asian friends.

Asian Pacific Islander month makes me boring. I know I'm unlikely to see stories or coverage of the Asian American adoptee community this holiday. This is ironic, given that this month has such a ridiculously long name, because it's a catchy title that tries to include everyone of Lebanese descent in Rapanui. However, in its effort to include everyone, AAPI Month manages to go further others those of us who don't fit into her already monstrous box.

Honestly, it shouldn't be up to adoptees to address the coverage gap when it comes to our stories. But we also shouldn't be afraid to tell our stories; I know people just need a little push sometimes.

So to the Asian adoptees out there: You are not alone this month. I see you. And maybe, if enough of us tell our stories, others will see us too.

Sources

1/ https://Google.com/

2/ https://www.wmra.org/2024-05-25/asian-adoptees-you-are-not-alone

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