There is no guidebook for living with cancer

This year marks 10 years since I was diagnosed with IDC (Invasive Duct Carcinoma), Stage 1, Triple Negative Breast Cancer. I wish I had more lessons to share, but honestly it took me a very long time to understand, process, work on and appreciate it all. Especially with survivorship, which I continue to navigate.

Prior to my diagnosis, at the request of a former OB/GYN, my mother underwent genetic testing and was ultimately positive for the BRC1 gene mutation. Given my substantial family history of dying in my early 40s, breast and ovarian cancer have always been on my mind. myself.

For myself, after testing positive for the BRCA1 mutation, my course of action at the time was surveillance, but I was presented with a routine MRI of the tumor, which was confirmed by a core biopsy shortly thereafter. rice field.

I won’t go into the details of my treatment and surgery, including my double mastectomy and DIEP flap reconstruction (which is at risk of being removed as a reconstructive option), and my chemotherapy, but in the aftermath I have a substantial I took family planning steps at the suggestion of my medical team and underwent fertility treatment and egg storage prior to chemotherapy. In this surgery, the ovaries and fallopian tubes were removed, considering that the BRCA1 gene mutation also affects ovarian cancer. Anyway, mentally and emotionally, I still hadn’t grasped all of it.

What I knew then, and what I know now: You will find your people, where you should be, what you should do, your purpose. has mates (thanks to them every day) and has found even more mates who got it without saying a word.

But boy, was I in the wrong place. Even though the professional environment I was in was fueling my anxiety and depression, I didn’t realize it until much later. Experiencing life-threatening, turmoil of the mind after which it was expected that “normal” or things would return to the way they were. What does that mean?

At the time, I couldn’t fully comprehend or clarify the depth and meaning of this rift, but I was drowning. It took all I had to do to get up, get out of bed, even to go to work.

No one really got it. No one really understood. Some people sympathized with me, but others also noticed my dilemma. How the cancer and the chemotherapy I’m undergoing have affected some of my cognitive functions, I’m probably in a deep depression that’s consuming all the energy I have to exist. Did you intend to risk the high

I hope it is received with support and alignment as I have done my best to understand what I am thinking and feeling and how it is changing all I know. I was wrong. I’m not sure if the word “gaslighting” existed at the time, but I eventually settled with it. I wasn’t making excuses. I need help finding a solution. I needed a help period. Given that mental health is now a more common and frequent topic of conversation, I hope that there will be a more honest approach and understanding if this happens today.

What I learned:

• There are no rules for rules. There is no guidebook or manual explaining what to do and how to do it. There are support groups and communities. that’s right. Being there will give you great understanding and support and hopefully make you feel that you are not alone. Experiences come in varying degrees – diagnosis, surgery, treatment planning – but there is an unspoken connection and a tangible sense of being understood. Personally, I felt safe so I was able to express how I was feeling and what I was thinking, even if it meant nothing. It’s here for me to count on for information and more.
• Accept that not everyone will understand and appreciate what you are going through. It’s not a problem. No one needs to get it, as long as you admit it and try to get over it.
• Respect that it can be emotionally and mentally draining, but appreciate those who show up for you.
• Here I am, life looks a little different than I thought it would. I am grateful. I’m alive And it’s really something.

This post was written and submitted by Carrie Kreiswirth. This article reflects the views of Carrie Kreisworth and not those of CURE®. Also, this is not intended to be medical advice.

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