The key to a better life: Focus on relationships

Most of us have some idea of ​​what contributes to good mental and physical health: Eating a balanced diet. Exercising regularly. Getting enough sleep. Practicing gratitude and a positive attitude. Engaging in activities that bring us joy and fulfillment.

But our understanding of the health of a healthy society is less clear. What exactly are the signs of the health of a healthy society? Social Health? It is said that if you replace “I” with “we,” even “sickness” becomes “health.”

Clearly, good relationships are one of the keys to a good social life. Unfortunately, many people don't have the benefit of them: Nearly half of American adults feel that no one knows them well. Globally, only 20% of adults say they have one person they can rely on.

Kathleen Killam has made it her life's work to address this problem. A Harvard-educated social scientist, Killam is known as a leader in advancing and understanding social health. She works with a variety of organizations, including Google and the World Economic Forum, to promote more socially healthy products, workplaces, and communities. She is the author of the following books: The art and science of connection: Why social wellness is the missing key to living a longer, healthier, happier lifer.

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The first step to good social health, says Killam, is having the right quantity and quality of connections. Another sign is having diverse social connections — that is, a diverse range of people with whom you interact and get support: family, friends, colleagues, and community. They should also be diverse in terms of identities and interests, she says, because research shows that connecting across ages, cultures, and backgrounds is beneficial.

How does social health affect physical and mental health, and vice versa?

“Physical, mental and social health are interconnected,” Killam says. “People who maintain close relationships, feel supported and interact regularly have a lower risk of depression, dementia, stroke and death, for example. This shows that social health supports physical and mental health and is valuable in its own right.” Social health is Because most people underestimate the benefits of connection, and the actions we take to strengthen our connections vary from person to person.”

With so much research data on physical and mental health, why has social health been relatively neglected?

Killam says our perceptions of health evolve over time. “It's only recently that mental health has gone from taboo or niche to a mainstream topic in news headlines and dinner table conversations,” she says. “The pandemic and the growing recognition that loneliness is a public health issue has really brought it all together.” The natural next shift Our shared understanding is that health is not only physical and mental, but also social.”

How can people assess their own social health?

Killam says a big part of his motivation for writing the book was to demystify social wellness and make connection as tangible and actionable as exercise or nutrition.

“First, think about who you typically interact with and which people and communities are most important to you,” she suggests. “Second, evaluate the strength of those connections by considering how reciprocal and meaningful they are. Third, identify if there are gaps in the quantity or quality of connections in your life, which are opportunities to improve your social wellbeing going forward.”

What are the warning signs that indicate someone’s social health is in the danger zone?

“The most obvious warning sign is feelings of isolation or loneliness, or a feeling that something is missing from your social life,” Killam says. “This could be not having as many friends as you'd like, wanting to spend more time with family, or wishing to connect with people on a deeper level. But it's not just a lack of connection to watch out for. Feeling over-connected in unfulfilling ways can also have a negative impact on your social health, such as having too many social interactions on social media or technology, or not enough alone time to connect with yourself.”

Even if you have introverted tendencies, can strengthening your connections with others help you become more social in a positive way?

Killam likens it to training a muscle in the body. Four holistic approaches Optimize your social wellness.

“If the quantity of connections in your life is low, stretch your social muscles by making new friends and joining new groups,” she says. “If the quantity of connections in your life is high, give them a rest by maintaining or reducing your social interactions. If the quality of the connections in your life is low, stretch your social muscles by deepening connections with those who matter to you. And if the quality of the connections in your life is high, stretch your social muscles by enjoying and maintaining your relationships.”

There's a lot of talk about low employee engagement in the workplace. What role does social wellness play in that disengagement?

Killam said employees who have a best friend at work are seven times more likely to be engaged in their work, while lonely employees are more likely to take sick days or quit their jobs. Feeling connected at work “Whether or not it does has a huge impact on your day-to-day and long-term social well-being,” she says, “and your social well-being affects how productive, motivated, and happy you are at work, and in life.”

How does the “busyness” epidemic affect people's social wellbeing?

Killam says busyness can be an obstacle to social wellbeing. “It's easy to get caught up in deadlines and urgent tasks at work, neglecting relationships and assuming that our loved ones will always be there for us. In fact, social wellbeing requires prioritising and continually nurturing connections. The good news, according to Killam, is that a lot of research shows that even simple, time-saving interventions can be effective. So, as long as you're intentional, you can stay socially well even when you're busy.”

Most importantly, Killam says, social health is just as important as physical and mental health. Having intentional connections in your life not only benefits your health and happiness, but also the people you connect with. “That's what makes social health so special,” she says. “It's a gift not just to you, but to the world.”