Seven easy ways to have better friendships and feel lonely

Professor at the University of Kansas when he was not in front of the student classroom Jeffrey Hall He writes for his office, reviews research and papers, responds to emails, writes through data. Before he knew it, he hadn't spoken to one person in a few hours. When he finally appears, he has two options. Grinding and continuing to ignore fellow faculty and students, or jumping into a colleague's office to see how they are doing and giving a simple greeting to passersby.

Hall co-authored many researches and now has a new book that encourages us all to choose the latter option and enjoy the benefits of living our lives socially. For example, one study found it People who had more social interactions over the past four weeks had higher happiness. Another person showed that Only one quality conversation You can improve your mental health with friends every day.

These habits form what Hall, a professor at the University of California, Santa Barbara, and his co-author Andy Melora, call the social biome, how you think about the full scope of your social interactions. It's helpful. Healthy social biomes are diverse in the types of people we talk about and in the kinds of conversations we have, and in the solo time.

Hall and Melora distilled their research and other social scientists' research into their books Social Biome: How everyday communication connects and shapes us. Not only does Hall and Melora outline why they want to connect with others (being social requires energy and people are messy). They also provide simple modifications. Here are seven simple strategies that Hall and Melora recommend. No social overhaul is required.

Interacting with close friends and family is not the only way to increase happiness – So does chat with strangers. Not only is the experience more comfortable than we doubt, but the person on the other side also enjoys the conversation. “To provide dignity to others in the community, especially those who are different from you,” Hall says.

According to the hall, there's no need to wander around looking for strangers, but you can accept the opportunity to have small talk with people who are already watching, such as bus drivers, postal carriers and cashiers. In the store.

We focus on the interaction of quality every day

As for the type of conversation that appears to make a difference in people's happiness, Hall discovered it quality Conversation is extremely important. Halls have four types of conversations that are counted as quality. Hall is meaningful (heart-heartedly), catching up, expressing affection and joking.

From coworkers and roommates to romantic partners and best friends, you can have quality interactions with anyone. All you need is one per day. Don't worry that it is particularly witty, interesting or characteristic “Skilled” conversationist. Instead, focus on being a good listener and discussing topics that are important to others. “A quality conversation can slow your day down,” says Hall.

But don't discount the story a little

Not every story has to be a big story. Just as quality conversations connect people, so do small talk and casual chit chats, like office banters with your colleagues. These conversations are low energy, Hall says, but they strengthen the connection.

“There's research that says people don't like chatchat,” he says. Small talk with acquaintances spends little social energy; Contributes to feelings of belonging Within the community.

Discussing diverse topics with diverse people

One study published in 2022: Diversity of people Those who interacted with participants, including strangers, acquaintances, close friends and family, made their happiness even stronger.

It's also important to interact with people who have a different perspective than you. You don't need to walk to potentially troublesome territory – you don't provide space for someone with harmful opinions – but you can reveal to other people's lives and beliefs Expand your worldview.

It's important to create and maintain a plan

Given that some of our social interactions are outside our control – for example, we cannot opt ​​out of checking in with our boss.

At the end of an exhausting day when your impulse might end up coming out on the vegetables on the couch, it is particularly difficult to make the choice to be social. This is why it's so important to have a plan in the docket and stick to them. Enter your social calendar with your friends' dates and try to avoid remedies (even if you wish). Having a weekly call-like routine with your sister or having a regular standing gathering like a book club eliminates the much energy that comes with a hanging out time schedule. Masu.

Understand the limitations of technology

In a world where many of our connections are mediated through screens, it is helpful to understand how certain technologies can feel more socially fulfilled compared to others.

Hall tells us to think about how we interact as a ladder. At the bottom, you passively consume your friend's content on social media. The next rungup is a group chat, sending a one-on-one text message. Texting is better than not being in touch at all, but it should not be your only form of communication. The next rungup is video chat and phone. At the top is face-to-face communication. “The feeling of being around someone you care about” is “the evidence shows in terms of building happiness in the long run.”

Online communities can be specifically tested for people with marginalized backgrounds and disabilities, but Hall says face-to-face interactions are also necessary. “The literature reveals that living in the sole online existence is probably not suitable for human prosperity,” he says. “That's better than nothing, but it's probably not enough.”

A balanced social life also includes time spent on its own. You can recharge your social battery by using Solo Time to relax and nostalgically reflect on past social interactions. “You think about the relationship you have with people, the happiness you are,” says Hall. “[That’s] If it is taken alone, it is used for restoration and refreshment, opening up the possibilities for future connections. ”

Recent evidence shows the fact that Americans are Working in a solo time more than ever before. Loneliness and social time are not conflicted. One needs to thank the other. Quiet downtime helps you prepare for connections and by affirming social interactions, you can enjoy being alone. A fulfilling social life is a balanced thing.