Feelings when diagnosed with 35-year-old ADHD

In March of this year, a week before the UK was closed, I was diagnosed with Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD). I’m 35 years old, have kids and have a tough job as a busy news desk editor. And that made me a tailwind.

I worked on learning previously undiagnosed methods, how to “correct” myself, and what this really means (all during a pandemic). But six months later, my life has literally changed. And that’s great.

For 35 years I thought I was a bad person. But I’m not. I’m just a sick person who didn’t have the support I needed.

:: Lifelong struggle

It is a common misconception that ADHD affects only children. For me, the signs have been from an early age – they were just unnoticed. Growing up, I was told by my teachers and family that I was lazy and could achieve more “just by focusing”. As a result, I relentlessly defeated myself and developed a teaching mantra that was a lazy hole because no one cares.

For me, the ADHD “H” was in my head. My brain was restless and it was difficult to concentrate on my work. I can over-focus for 10 minutes and then I’ll be distracted. My eyes were moving around, taking in as much as I could, processing vast amounts of data and information.

:: Listening was a challenge

I could listen with empathy and attention, and I couldn’t understand how easy it was for others to survive life. For the past decade or so, I’ve been working on this through conversational therapy (my GP suggested giving me antidepressants and trying treatment in a particularly tough chapter about eight years ago). .. I enjoy empathizing with people and recognize the importance of being able to hear, but I was very tired before. I have a hard time keeping focus.

When I searched for an anchor, life took the pattern of excitement / frustration / burnout – I did 9 jobs in 10 years –. I thought I needed endless adrenaline hits without results, so I built my career from it.

My brain was so fast that I lost friends along the way and emotionally hurt others. I felt I could run out of a lot of energy trying to stabilize myself and fit my body, or act on my brain’s thoughts and hit the adrenaline, but then I face the consequences. “Life is only serious when you accomplish it,” I say – unaware or even considerate of the impact it may have on others.

After graduating from university, I realized that if I listened more, I could build a closer relationship, so I worked hard. But it took a lot of effort and felt like it failed because it couldn’t easily do what it could do elsewhere in the world.

:: Things finally make sense

At some point, after reading a lot of threads talking about brain processing from people with ASD, I began to wonder if I was in the autism spectrum. Many of them were very familiar. I talked to my GP. I hadn’t been diagnosed with autism, but just taking these interim measures gave me the opportunity to look at myself from a different perspective and start to forgive myself for all the “mistakes”. I did. Now being diagnosed with ADHD means that things ultimately make sense.

Adrian Chiles was diagnosed with Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD) this year and talked about how his recent treatment changed his life. It’s the same for me. I am on cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) and started taking amphetamines in June. This makes you feel like you’ve reached the same level as everyone else.

Since then, I have lost two stones and have taken antidepressants for the first time in eight years. I’ve also adopted audiobooks – I’ve been gorgeous for 40 days since I hadn’t read a book since March – and I’m finally slowing down.

I was convinced that I was bad and always thought “I should do this”. But it wasn’t. Life takes time. It takes time to hear, it is difficult to get out of your head and enter the room, and you may face it.

:: Looking to the future

Recently, I talked to my new big boss about my diagnosis in front of the manager and editor’s room. She said I was brave. A colleague called me “Congratulations”. This was the easiest thing I’ve ever done. It’s hard to write this, but if you’re comfortable enough to talk to someone who is financially dependent, you can start talking to others. I will write more about this from a professional standpoint and want to better use the new skills that I was able to unleash for the first time in my life.

I don’t convince everyone who has changed, and past actions always bother me. The difference now is that I can choose how to move forward, and it feels incredible. You don’t have to prove yourself anymore. Hooray. I survived. Enjoy life for the first time.

:: For more information on ADHD, see adhdfoundation.org.uk. Talk to your GP if you are concerned about your mental health or if you think you have signs of ADHD at any age.