Most men experience erectile dysfunction at some point in their lives

This week, our resident sexologist Isiah McKimmie Work on her husband’s erection problem, her drunken boyfriend-loving girlfriend, and a woman who suffers from loneliness during the holiday season.

I can’t maintain my erection, how can I regain my sexual life?

Question: I have lived with my wife for 15 years and love her very much. When we first got together, we had a great sex life, it was fun, spontaneous and satisfying. Then things got slower, as they are, but we still had sex around once a week. A few years ago, I started losing my erection before the act took place, and then I became so bad that I lost it during foreplay. The stress over sex became so great that I stopped having sex somewhere. You can maintain an erection and climax not only when you are intimate with your wife, but also when you are alone. She takes it personally, and thinks it’s because she’s “fat and old.” She is invisible to me. what can I do? Is this normal? How can I regain my sexual life?

Answer: Erection problems are more common than we think. Most men experience erection problems at some point in their lives.

By the time a man reaches the age of 50, he has a 50% chance of experiencing erectile dysfunction. This increases by 10% every 10 years of life.

There are many reasons why you may have lost your erection in the first place. The causes of erectile dysfunction are:

•Malaise

• Stress

• Anxiety or depression

• Excessive indulgence in alcohol and drugs

• Performance anxiety

• Relationship problems

•medicine

• Poor health / health problems

Those who are experiencing erectile dysfunction are advised to visit their GP for a complete examination. Erectile dysfunction can be an early warning sign of serious health problems such as heart disease and diabetes.

For many men, once or twice they experience erectile dysfunction, the anxiety they experience about it happening again essentially ensures that it happens again.

In your case, what you are experiencing is “situational erectile dysfunction” —erectile dysfunction that occurs only in certain situations. This is really common. You need to make sure that you have a good evaluation, but I think the erection disorder in this case is due to psychological factors such as the extra stress of worrying about your wife’s reaction, embarrassment, and anxiety about performance.

So what can you do about it?

Seeing your GP to get a prescription for your medicine is optional. You can get the medicine you take every day, which means more flexibility (and less positive planning) around the time you choose to have sex.

Studies have shown that the combination of both therapist and drug therapy gives the best results (a more satisfying sex life and a happier relationship).

It’s common to have a partner’s erectile dysfunction personally, but it’s rare. Working with a therapist can also help you deal with the underlying anxieties your wife feels, reestablish intimate relationships, improve communication, and find ways to make both sexes more enjoyable.

Relation: Despair of a wife for over 7 years without sex

When he’s drunk, I like my boyfriend, what should I do?

Question: My boyfriend drinks a lot, doesn’t do the right job, suffers from depression and anxiety, and is generally very moody. When he’s drunk, he’s great — confident, sociable, fun, and sweet. He is a very difficult person to be around when he is not drunk or drinking. I really like him and see the beauty and sweetness behind it. He doesn’t want to change. It should be an initiative that comes from himself, I know, and he’s ruining his life. How can I help and what should I do?

Answer: You are right when he says it is something he has to start with. We can support our loved ones, but we can’t change them unless they want themselves.

Unless your boyfriend is willing to make some important changes (and get help), his drinking, anxiety, and depression will continue — probably worse.

Let your partner know that you are worried about him — but also let him know how his actions affect you. Think about yourself and what you want in your life. Set boundaries around what you are willing to accept about his actions and what you need to see him take to maintain a relationship with him.

From time to time, by being with someone and accepting their bad behavior, we are actually able to continue it.

Relation: Wife’s sexual problems with “attractive” husband

Question: I’m really worried about being alone during Christmas and holidays. I’m single and want to find a partner, but I don’t seem to have any luck in that department. I usually see families living abroad on Christmas, but I can’t go this year because the border is closed. How can I stop the deep feeling of loneliness?

Answer: I really sympathize with you. Being single and leaving your family is a difficult time in a year. For singles, a big celebration can clearly remind them that they are spending it again without a partner. As a result, the holiday season is the busiest time of the year for dating apps.

This is what I suggest:

• Be kind to yourself. Understand that feeling emotional upheaval is normal at this time of the year.

• Take advantage of the technology we have to reach out to your friends and family during the lead-up and holiday season.

• Plan something that suits you. Find out if any of your friends are free or find a place near you where orphan Christmas is happening. Don’t be afraid to ask for an invitation. This year is a time when people feel welcome to others, and this year there will be many people in a similar situation to you.

• Consider moving away from the places you’ve always wanted to visit in Australia.

• If you still can’t find a way that works for you, consider volunteering with a homeless or food distribution charity. There will be many people doing hard things this year. Doing something for others helps us forget our own challenges and make us feel better.

Isiah McKimmie is a couple therapist, sex therapist and sexologist.Follow her for more professional advice Instagram.