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When it comes to praise, British and American cultures are light years apartExBulletin
NPR's Scott Simon asks Chiara Brown of the Times of London about her recent article in which she looks at how praise is distributed differently in the United Kingdom and the United States.
SCOTT SIMON, HOST:
You know, you're a wonderful audience. You're doing a fantastic job listening to us. I have to tell you, I'm in awe. Chiara Brown says the lines I just said here on NPR would be out of place on the BBC. She's an American-born journalist who took a job at the Times of London and discovered that when it comes to praise, the British can be tight-lipped. A stiff upper lip doesn't allow for much flattery. She just wrote about it in the Times. Chiara Brown joins us now from London. Thank you very much for being with us.
CHIARA BROWN: Thank you very much for having me.
SIMON: By the way, since Shakespeare, I have never read sentences as incisive as those you read in your column. But seriously…
BROWN: (Laughs).
SIMON: …When did you realize that our cultures were different on the issue of praise?
BROWN: I think it hit me pretty quickly after I came here. I grew up in California, which I think is considered by many Americans to be the epicenter of praise culture in the United States. It was pretty normal for you to walk into a room and have people say, “Oh my God, I love your outfit. You look amazing. I’m obsessed with you.” So when I came to the UK, I was used to a certain lifestyle, a certain tone of praise. And I realized very quickly that that wasn’t part of the dialogue. For example, when I first made friends in my job, I would say, “Oh, I love your shoes,” or “your cute top,” and people were really turned off by that.
SIMON: Well, with the reflection that you have been able to do in Great Britain, is there anything wrong with congratulating people?
BROWN: I don't think there's anything wrong with complimenting people when it's sincere. But I think the more time I spend here, the more I realize that it's kind of a mechanism in the way we talk to each other in the United States, compliments being a part of a greeting or a conversation starter or a casual conversation. And I just find that people don't really do that here, which can sometimes come off as a little harsh. But ultimately, I think when you get a compliment, you really feel like someone is saying it because they mean it. You know, you feel like it's coming from a sincere place.
SIMON: What kind of people do you think this ends up creating?
BROWN: I think in America it creates people who are confident. My dad called me after the article came out. He said, “Because I mentioned it in the article. I hope I did everything right. I’m really sorry. Did I give you too much love and attention?” I said, “You did everything right, because I think it gives you a sense of confidence. You can walk into a room and say, ‘I got this,’ even though I have no reason to think that you do.” And I think that’s a very good thing about Americans, that they’re willing to take on new challenges. But I think on the worst days, it can create a kind of arrogance and a kind of knowing-it-all feeling and maybe a little bit less opportunity for introspection because you don't necessarily think that you've done anything wrong or that there's anything that can be improved.
SIMON: I have a lot of British friends and they sometimes tell me they would have liked to have been praised a bit more.
BROWN: I've definitely heard that kind of feedback from people here. I actually got a really nice email from one of our readers. He said he lived in New York for a year when he was younger and it completely changed his worldview, and he got so much positive feedback. So I think there's definitely room for a version of the American approach here. But I think it's maybe somewhere in between, I think, because sometimes when you're just, like, unapologetically positive in the United States, it can make it a little bit harder to grow.
SIMON: Chiara Brown is the editor of The Times of London. Thank you so much for joining us. And, listen, I interview a lot of people. There was something really special about that interview.
BROWN: Well, thank you very, very, very, very, very, very much for having me.
SIMON: (Laughs) You win.
(SOUND OF MUSIC)
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