DEAR ABBY: I have a 25-year-old niece, Meadow, who embraces the hippie lifestyle. She is kind and gentle and loves everyone. She also stood up to the establishment. She is heavily tattooed and has several facial piercings and thick hair under her arms.
My son is the complete opposite. He works in the business world and is very professional in his manners and dress. He will get married in three months to a charming girl. Meadow is invited because she wanted to come. My son is nervous about her coming to the wedding. He doesn't know Meadow very well. They were close as children but didn't see much of each other as adults.
My son is worried that Meadow will wear an outfit that will show off her tattoos and bushy underarm hair. He is afraid that she will be a spectacle and that her appearance will become the focal point of the wedding and not his lovely bride. He also fears that someone will ridicule or comment on Meadow, and he will then have to defend her, causing a disturbance. None of us are close to Meadow or feel comfortable with her appearance. How to manage your presence at the wedding? — CAROLINE COMPLIANT
DEAR COMPLIANT: Excuse me. Who invited this countercultural cousin to the wedding? These questions had to be raised before the invitations were sent. If Meadow is already invited, it would be terrible to uninvite her.
If anyone comments on her appearance, I'm sure it won't be the first time she's heard it. If this happens, resist the urge to rush to his defense. Just calmly explain that Meadow is there because she's family. (That's the truth.) As for her outshining your son's wife, that won't happen if Meadow is sitting some distance from the altar.
DEAR ABBY: I regularly attend the exercise classes offered with membership at my gym. One of the classes that I particularly like is taught by a very good instructor, friendly and welcoming. She makes a point of addressing everyone present.
I have noticed over the last few weeks that she has become decidedly hostile towards me. She avoids talking to me, even though she talks to everyone else in the class. This has been upsetting and I realize it is depressing me. I'm not aware of anything I did to cause this.
Should I ask him if I did something that might offend him? Should I say nothing and continue to follow his classes? Or should I just join other classes offered at my gym? I occasionally see her in other exercise classes that I attend, and sometimes we are at the gym working out at the same time. — AN ALIENATE GYM IN GEORGIA
DEAR GYM GUY: I firmly believe in the adage: Seek and you will find. Because this professor seems to have cooled down on you and you alone, ask this question. So be prepared for an honest answer.
What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and relationships with peers and parents can be found in What Every Teenager Should Know. Send your name and mailing address, along with a check or money order for $8 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, PO Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Shipping and handling charges are included in the price.)
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