Alexis’ 148 Best Davids, Ranked

86. David: It’s not one of those viral animal rights videos where rabbits go through a meat processor at the end, is it?
Alexis: Uh, no, David. (S3, E5)

85. David: I’ve been trying for a short time to get an exclusive deal with this supplier, but she’s very picky about her retailers. Everyone is trying to put their greasy hands on their cheese.
Alexis: Ew, David. (S4, E5)

84. David: Alexis, you would like this product. It’s all about aging and dry skin.
Alexis: Oh my God! Ew, David! (S1, E8)

83. “No, Patrick is not dead, David. (S6, E14)

82/81. Alexis: David! David!
David: STOP! (S5, E1)

80. “Hey, David, just pretend you’re on a very dangerous field sobriety test. (S5, E1)

79. Patrick: It’s his phone number.
David: Yes it is. Yeah. Watch yourself go.
Alexis: And he, like… gave it to you in front of David, so clearly no threat there.
David: Hey, Alexis, find a stick… (S5, E6)

78/77. Well that’s a new feeling for me, Ted! What if something happened to David? I’m basically his only friend. Or my father. David and my mom gang up on him sometimes, and I’m basically his only friend. (S5, E13)

76. “Imagine what I could do with your bachelor party, David. Diplo always sends me nudes. (S6, E4)

75. “Well all I know is Patrick’s a cute little pimple face David so don’t spoil that.” (S4, E1)

74. (S5, E6)

73. Johnny: You have this Teppanyaki table for your bar mitzvah.
David: This was thrown in after Alexis left her extensions on and it all smelled like burnt hair.
Alexis: I thought it was a real table, David. (S2, E2)

72. “Oh, David. We have a V-VIP who is staying with us at the moment. So do you mind staying at Patrick’s house tonight? Your mood can be a bit intense. “(S5, E3)

71. Alexis: Oh my God, David, look at this one. It overlooks a park. I would have my own bathroom. And oh my God, your room would have one of those little beds that come down from the wall.
David: Okay, we’re two people. We would have the master bedroom.
Alexis: But I have a lot of coats. (S6, E12)

70. David: I can’t see your personal drama storming my business relationships right now, so I think you better get out of the car and go home.
Alexis: returned on foot? It would take about 15 minutes, David. This is absolutely not happening. (S4, E5)

69. Alexis: I hate you, David.
David: See you soon! (S2, E4)

68. (S3, E4)

67/66. Alexis: See, David, that’s what happens when you wash your face with a bar of motel hand soap!
David: It’s a zit. People have pimples. I mean, I’ve always had clean, glowing skin, but I’m an anomaly.
Alexis: It’s not a zit, David. I think it’s just my anxiety that’s clogging my pores. (S2, E9)

65/64. David: Putting your name on a line of edible nail polish isn’t what I would call having a job.
Alexis: I was very practical, David. I came up with all the flavors by myself.
David: Even the one who poisoned all these people?
Alexis: David, the Guangzhou factory assured us that it was unleaded. Ugh! (S2, E10)

63. Alexis: I don’t know why you didn’t ask me the question first, David. I have my license in seven different countries, and I have my class “F”.
David: Isn’t that for transport trucks?
Alexis: Yeah, well, I had a lot of people to move! (S3, E4)

62. “Okay, I hate to tell you that, David, but there will always be someone I can flirt with.” (S3, E9)

61/60. “David is in the back, but I’m Alexis and I’m currently studying business, and I’m sister and life coach Im Davids.” (S3, E9)

59. Alexis: He looks pretty cold, David.
David: What did he say?
Alexis: “Sup?” (S4, E8)

58. David: You don’t want to spend too much money up front.
Alexis: Yeah, that’s not good, David. (S3, E9)

57. “Oh yes, David! Yay! “(S2, E12)

56. David: What exactly did I do wrong here?
Alexis: Oh, I don’t know, David. Mmm, was that the moment you kissed my boyfriend? Or… was that the moment you kissed my boyfriend? (S5, E5)

55. “Oh my God, David! Hit a lot ?! (S6, E3)

54/53. Alexis: I think it would be a weird look for me to be a florist at my age, David.
David: I thought about it and I want you to betray me.
Alexis: Oh my God, David. This is arguably the most important role of marriage.
David: A simple yes or no is fine. No need to focus, okay?
Alexis: Yeah. (S6, E4)

52. “Okay, David, shut up for a minute. (S6, E14)

51. David: I slept in the cab of a truck! Overnight!
Alexis: Oh my God, who didn’t, David. (S2, E1)

50. “David, you and mom are literally ruining my life. (S1, E12)

49. David: Okay, no one panicked when Alexis disappeared.
Alexis: I haven’t disappeared, David. The FBI knew where I was all the time. (S2, E1)