Health
I wasn’t ready for the emotional toll of cancer
I was prepared for the financial burden associated with a complete colon resection, but I did not foresee the mental and physical burden on myself. They always say there may be pain and loss of sensation after surgery, but they can’t tell you about long-term emotional side effects.
As I prepare to graduate from medical school, I’m looking back at my diary to get here. After an eight-year battle with slowly worsening ulcerative colitis, my ultimate fear of colorectal cancer came after an annual biopsy. could not really be acknowledged. I wasn’t ready to face it.
As I entered my second year of medical school, I had to decide what to do. Either have surgery to remove the large intestine, appendix, and rectum, or start chemotherapy immediately. Of these two options, only one of them would allow me to continue my education, so I proceeded with the colectomy. On the day of the surgery, I was medically cured and excited to move on with my life.
When I woke up, the colostomy bag shocked me and in the months that followed depressed me over how much my life had changed. I was in constant pain from a broken skin.
As I continued my studies, my colleagues treated me differently and I lost confidence in going out into the world. I was afraid that the bag would fall, I was afraid that people would see it and ask me what happened, I was afraid that I would change my mind.
When it finally came time to remove the pouch and perform the ileoanal anastomosis, I was overjoyed to feel normal again.
But now that it’s almost two years post-surgery, and having had a second miscarriage, the toll on my body has become clearer, and I’ve been unable to carry my baby twice past the first trimester. Before the surgery, I was told that it might make it difficult for me to have a family in the future, but at the time I didn’t care. was single and had no intention of having a family. But with her wedding just months away and her second miscarriage, she fears that family dreams are farther away than she imagined.
I was unprepared for the emotional and physical toll that surviving would take on me, yet I never undone the decisions I made.
The road to recovery continues long after you are considered medically cured. As I continue on this path of emotional recovery, I am grateful for each day and wish for a better future.
This post was written and submitted by Alyssa M. This article reflects the views of Alyssa M and not those of CUREĀ®. Also, this is not intended to be medical advice.
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