The “emotional first aid” tool I learned from my actor son and now teach to my patients | William (Bill) Meleney

My 31-year-old son, Kenyon, has been participating (at least somewhat) in organized acting classes since he was five. He and our neighbor Katie put on shows when they were three and five, just like kids all over the world do. But with Kenyon, he was won over from his first theater class.

As a child, he was discovered by the John Robert Powers Theater School through a flyer in Seattle. He auditioned for television at age 11, spent an entire month auditioning in Los Angeles, and became an agent's client. It all came to nothing, but he knew he was an actor and that didn't change. Today, he is an educator at Seattle Children's Theater.

As a father, I have always been proud of my son. But as a psychologist with an active practice, one thing I didn't expect was that Kenyon would teach me a useful form of emotional “first aid” that I hadn't used before. But that's exactly how it happened.

photo courtesy of the author

As a child, Kenyon was very relaxed, but as is often the case, adolescence gave him his first real experience. Existential crisis. He went from unflappable and resilient to easily distressed and anxious. But there was always joy in being part of a cast and on stage. He had excellent mentors, who encouraged his talent and loved his beauty.

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At age 18, he came out as gay to his family during his sophomore year at Occidental College. He met the boy who would become his abusive boyfriend. Loyalty is one of Kenyon's great values ​​and he hid his abuse from his family and most of his friends and the relationship lasted seven years. Luckily, Kenyon's friends, maturity, and desire to get his master's degree in theater led him to make his boyfriend an ex-boyfriend. He decided to attend University of the Arts and Pig Iron Theaters designed performance in Philadelphiajust as the pandemic was about to hit.

photo courtesy of the author

I think he had a great time his last year at Pig Iron and when he returned to Seattle he vowed to only take the job he wanted. So he lived with his parents for over a year, only applying for jobs within Seattle's vibrant theater community. Of course I thought it was crazy, but I kept my mouth mostly shut. His mother, however, loved having Kenyon at home. His commitment to his craft led to a part-time but well-paying position as a theater instructor at the Seattle Childrens Theater. Kenyon had grown so much and weathered the storms of abuse, moving, COVID-19, and dependence on his parents.

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During his first month at the children's theater, he was exposed to somatic first aid. This turns out to be a necessary skill for actors, because every day 90% of union members are unemployed and rejection is much more common than being chosen.

As a psychotherapist, I have been calming, supporting and challenging people for almost 40 years. My training and experience have developed my skills in observing distress in its many forms, not all expressions of which are as clear to others as they are to me. I have always been able to give distress a name that resonates with clients and guide them on aspects of self-care. These orientations were spontaneous and organic during the sessions. Although they were often helpful, I did not have structured, repeatable instructions or documents that clients could use as part of their regular presence in the world.

Then Kenyon taught me Somatic first aid, the practice of intentional self-care, self-soothing, and behavioral externalization of emotions.

Performing, creating and producing theater are often intense experiences. Learning a script and bringing it to life in performance form is life-affirming and challenging. Rehearsals, especially early in the process, are exhausting and stressful. There are tears, hysterical laughter, screams, exasperation, hugs and crying. Getting into and out of character in the first moments of each performance makes performers sweat and some even get sick. More than a few actors admit they vomit just before “raising the curtain”.

The directors and producers of Seattle Childrens Theater had the pulse and support of their actors, and so the somatic first aid they taught and supported was an unprecedented foundation for their successful and empowering mission.

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Here are seven powerful somatic first aid tools to help you when you're scared or feeling anxious.

1. Do it in your arms

Wrap your arms around yourself, using your arms entwined, hug each other tightly and lovingly. Hold the hug for 30 seconds.

2. Rock and breathe

Imagine doing a figure 8 with your body or rocking a baby. Breathe and pay attention to your breathing.

3. Sing or hum

A song that you love or that transports you to a peaceful or loved place. Or, make soft sounds, as if to reassure a frightened animal or child.

4. Stomp

Let your body express your frustration or anger. Add a congruent sound, grrrrr or arghhh for example.

5. Run in place

Run in place for 10 seconds to increase your heart rate to 100 beats per minute.

6. Shout it

Scream as loud as you can. If you need to mask the sound, try shouting in a low voice (open your mouth wide, as if screaming, and exhale quickly and audibly). Or cover your mouth with a pillow and bellows!

7. Shake and release

Unload your energy by imagining that you can get rid of anything you'd like to get rid of right now, whether it's a bad thought, a bad feeling, or a bad memory. You can shake your arms and legs or wipe yourself as if to get rid of dirt.

Image courtesy of the author

Expressive therapies, psychodrama, art therapy, music therapy, dance, have long been part of therapists' best practices. This poster offered by Seattle Childrens Theater empowers you to be your own calming or liberating agent so that you can move on with your life and not be stuck with recurring or unhelpful feelings and emotional states. Be your own therapist!

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William “Bill” Meleneysa Washington State Licensed Mental Health Counselor, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, Psychotherapist, and Life Coach. He has 30 years of experience and expertise helping clients manage their relationships, parenting and mental health.