Shocker: Jaxson Dart is a Trump guy

It won’t comfort New York Giants fans at all to learn that quarterback Jaxson Dart didn’t chirp like a raccoon, or bark like a walrus, or vocalize like any other wild creature when he was hit by teammate Abdul Carter on Saturday. A little gibberish might even have been encouraging: Carter and Dart, after all, were clarifying that the latter had spent part of his Friday at a right-wing political rally in Rockland County, New York, introducing Donald Trump on stage under a large sign reading “New York Welcomes President Donald J. Trump.” Evidence of a dissociative episode would have alleviated some of that sadly familiar but still very acute misery of learning that someone you support is an enthusiastic MAGA freak.

Unfortunately, Carter confirmed that Dart didn’t start clucking like a chicken. “We spoke earlier as men,” he announced in a tweet, hours after showing his disapproval of Dart’s participation in the rally. Dart really rocked it: On Friday afternoon, with “Eye of the Tiger” blaring from the sound system and hundreds of smartphone cameras trained on the stage, Dart strutted up to the microphone, mulled over, and addressed the audience in the manner of a carefully prepared sixth-grader who has just walked into a dark, noisy party and is still trying to figure out if any of his buddies are in the crowd. The speech was not very inspired.

“What’s up, what’s up, what’s up, yeah. Bl—Big Blue Nation, it’s a pleasure to be here,” said a cheesy Dart, his hands buried strangely in the pockets of his bomber jacket. “I have to start with a ‘Go Big Blue’.” Dart then led the crowd in a half-hearted chant, interrupted and abruptly abandoned before describing the “privilege” of being entrusted with this task. He spoke for a total of 36 seconds, used the word “pleasure” and mispronounced “47th.” Then Trump, clearly not preparing for his eldest son’s wedding, took the stage and mercifully swept Dart away.

New York, as a whole, does not welcome Donald J. Trump. Besides, nowhere else either. My favorite recent poll, by the admittedly lousy American Research Group, shows Trump with support from only 31 percent of registered voters. But Dart represents one of the true pillars of the MAGA movement: half-educated, Xbox Live-minded dudes who cobbled together 100 percent of their political consciousness from Andrew Tate videos, Savannah Bananas highlights, and Fortnite. Among broccoli-headed suburban and exurban Zoomers and Alphas with superfluous X’s in their first names, Trump’s approval rating remains at a meticulously maintained 69 percent. Dart could enjoy status among his team’s fans as a champion of Trump’s cult of death and destruction, provided he is willing to confine all his non-professional activities to the 58.5 square miles of Staten Island.

Giants fans will just have to take solace in knowing that at least their guys will circle the wagons, even around a teammate as misguided and obnoxious as this one. Hours after expressing hope that video of his teammate shaking hands with Trump at a MAGA event might have been an AI prank, Carter became defensive. “Me and JD6 are good,” he insisted, after speaking with Dart not like elephants but like real manly humans, the most serious kinds of humans there are. “You can all keep your stories.” Fair enough; you can keep your quarterback.

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