Washington State Football Opponents as Dudes Id Swipe Left On: Part Two

Good evening Coug fans!

I recently brought you Washington State's 2024 football opponents, the Dudes Id Swipe Left On: Part One ad, and today we were back with the second episode. Part one is here if you want to take a look.

Again, this is a JOKE! Do not be mad at me! Or do it, it's up to you.

Picture this: it's a Monday, you're having lunch, the workday is passing. You're a little overstimulated, possibly a little hungover from a Sunday Funday that quickly spiraled out of control, and the thought of finishing the huge project you've been working on for weeks has you curling into a little ball under your desk want to roll up. How do you deal with it? By swiping on a dating app of course! But uh oh, instead of seeing the usual pool of emotionally unavailable men who don't know what they're looking for and think the world would be a better place with more dogs, you have the second half of WSU 2024 football opponents found it.

Hawaii
This man immediately catches the eye. He's fun, he's wild, he does crazy outdoor activities in every photo on the profile. His biography says: live in the moment, never say no. You can tell he is a free spirit. You're actually a little intimidated by him! You have two main motivations for rejecting him: first, because you don't think you are compatible in any way, so it's better to reject him before he rejects you. But you don't think you can keep up with him either. He needs someone who has to take a standby flight, travel abroad with his backpack, live in a van and cruise around, not knowing what state you'll end up in that night. He would randomly disappear off the grid for weeks and then regale you with stories about cliff jumping or being kicked out of bars in Europe at 4:30 in the morning and you would get sleepy just listening to it. Everyone could use a dose of this man in their lives, but you think he'd be better suited as a friend who you see once every three years, and who always has a new scar to show you.

San Diego State
This guy works in a fancy law firm that deals with famous clients, and you would expect him to have all these juicy stories about famous people, because he flat out says he has all these juicy stories about famous people, but actually he only deals with the people who file a lawsuit. celebrities for traffic violations, and the assistants of said celebrities. His work isn't half as glamorous as he makes it seem, and neither is his life. He's a little too old to still be doing certain drugs in bar bathrooms on boys' nights, but that doesn't stop him! He has been reading Jordan Belfort's book and has marked it with post-it notes as he lies on his bedside table. He said that if you really want to understand him, you should let him meet up with his ex every now and then to keep things fresh. This man makes you feel completely insane. He seems so relaxed! He picks up the bill when he comes out with you and your friends! One day he has flowers, the next day he tells you that you are the reason his hairline is receding. When you tell your friends you've finally had enough, they sincerely offer to load his car. Not in a casual way haha, let's drive his car over – they brought four cartons of eggs to your apartment with the intention Actually go and light his car. You convince them to settle for a baking evening, but the whole time you wonder if you should have just rewarded the car.

State of Utah
He obviously has a very loose Mormon vibe, but that's not what will put you off. His eyes are completely devoid of any thought in every photo. They look lifeless. You couldn't think of that at first, so you sent the profile to all your friends, and that one friend who hardly ever comments on anything because they're so busy, just sends Serial Killer vibes and then goes quiet again, and that's it moment when it hits You. He hasn't mentioned anything about himself, he just has Man in his information section, and it just looks a step creepier than your usual lights on, no one is home energy. It doesn't seem like he's going to kill you, which is exciting and rare, but it does seem like he's talking in a monotone on purpose. It feels like he's rolling his eyes when you bend down to say hello to a dog, or when the sun is extremely bright one day. Not quite vampire level, but there is a certain annoyance that anyone who has suffered from seasonal depression would never feel towards warm weather, and you are in the Pacific Northwest after all. You swipe left and shake it off.

University of New Mexico
This man does Real in wolves. And to know that just by looking at his dating profile makes you cringe a little. You want to go into it with an open mind, and a lot of guys have had Lone Wolf. as their biography – but the further you scroll, the more you see that there is not a single photo of this man without wolf paraphernalia. A wolf shirt, a wolf hat, posed with a taxidermy wolf, a photo with caption as seen on my mother's refrigerator – his Spotify artists are Sounds of nature and Twilight: New Moon audiobook, which you would almost respect if you wasn't team Edward. You really don't want to be one of those people who appreciates someone's Yum, but this is an obsession that you just can't see yourself dealing with. Plus, you're really more of a Cougar person yourself.

State of Oregon
So I already profiled the Beavs in 2022, but things have changed between us since then, haven't they? Oregon State has updated its profile in a big way, and oh boy, does it catch you off guard.
This is basically the equivalent of your childhood best friend who you never really paid attention to, and who was always kind of in the background. Maybe they hadn't reached their shine yet, but they were so sweet and funny, and you tried. to ignore the little crush they had on you because you just loved being their friend…
Bad news, her grown up. Your jaw hits the FLOOR – absolutely not this is the state of Oregon?! How have you never seen him like this?! Were you just selfish, blind and superficial? Had the potential always been there? You'll never know. You're too nervous. You've seen that Ryan Reynolds movie Just friends (WITH Oregon State, mind you) and thought, How can someone be so blind?! You've been taken back!
However, you swipe left. It says you missed a potential match! – You cry yourself to sleep. There's always the next high school reunion. Maybe you both have one too many Long Island Iced Tea and see what happens.

Wyoming
Just as you recover from the missed connection of a lifetime and that weird wolf man, Mr. Cowboy appears on your page. He has a very sad video of him trying to lasso a garbage can, and while you're sure this is an incredibly difficult task, you're not sure why he put up a video of his inability to do this in a completely non-ironic way internet has set. . That video is also the only thing attached to his page, aside from a photo of Woody and Bo Peep ToyStory with the subtitle: this could be us. Again, you feel cruel judging someone based on their interests, but there's simply nothing you can do about it! You think it might be fun to try line dancing, but you'd rather do it at a Girls Night, where you can all agonize over the ill-fitting cowboy boots you bought at the last minute, not with a man who is a self-proclaimed is a regular customer at a local restaurant. rodeo near you!

You decide it's best to be single for a while. After all, there's always next season!