It is only in June, and we have already witnessed riots, epidemics, earthquakes, typhoons, locusts, Trump and China

Despite my advanced spiritual collections, when I decided not to go to mahasamadhi on December 31, 2019, I never expected 2020 would be too stressful. First, there were protests against the CAA and roadblocks. Then came sectarian riots in northeastern Delhi. Hence, the COVID-19 pandemic and the national ban. Then we heard about the slaughter on the economic front: our GDP shrank like linen trousers, companies crumbling like dominoes, and employers using ax like Jack Nicholson in The Shining.

In line

Then, when you thought we had hit rock bottom, the Chinese decided to come and sit on our land in Ladakh. Something shameless to do, if you ask me. Then came Hurricane Amfan, destroying everything in his path except for human humanity for man – the only section where India continues to outperform every other country. Then the police at J&K pursued a major espionage operation directed by a Pakistani pigeon. Dove, whose passport gave Pakistani citizenship, illegally crossed the Line of Control into India. I was thoroughly interrogated by our intelligence officials, who managed to “transfer” it and send it to Pakistan as a double agent.

Shortly after sending the bath, a monkey escaped in Meerut with a set of coronavirus test samples, which raised fears of a rapid spread of infection. Meerut public health officials have been forced to hijack your Krameram train to hunt the monkey and retrieve coronavirus samples. However, the media began spreading false news that the trains had lost their way. The trains did not lose their way – it was the media that lost its way, and it turned into eagles that in turn became the prophets of death.

The search for the perverted monkey barely began when Donald Trump got into the act, declaring the war on Twitter. And then, as if in a hint, a huge army of locusts invaded India – from Pakistan, where else? For those who don’t know what locusts are – they’re basically some kind of grasshopper. But unlike the only harmless insect in your garden, these are the grasshoppers who have the judiciary, the media, the election commission, the police, the bureaucracy, the intelligence agencies, the armed forces, the major corporations, and a vast militia from the majority majority elements that support them. In other words, the locusts cannot be stopped. They threaten to eat our crops and end our food supplies, including rice, wheat, pickles and mangoes.

In Delhi, where I am stuck – by the way, people no longer live in Delhi, they are just stuck there – the wife woke me up at five in the morning to close all the doors and windows so that the locusts weren’t wearing the same night, after I closed every possible hole in the house, and we sat for dinner The dining table started shaking like Ouija board. We rushed into our nightwear and buildings with holes. It was an earthquake measuring 4.6 on the Richter scale.

Stronger than the structure

Just in June, we have already witnessed riots, epidemics, earthquakes, typhoons, locusts, Trump and China. There are still six months left of this unique year, and for the first time in history, humans are trapped inside while deadly microbes roam freely. What can a sane and rational person do in such circumstances, except for wrinkling on the sofa with Nachos and Netflix? That’s what I was trying to do. But Kattabomman didn’t allow me. Not his fault, though.

In our house, everyone has a screen that disappears, except for Kattabomman. This means that he has no choice but to accumulate on someone else’s screen. Between me and the wife, in a temperamental way, I look like India – I do not react severely to interventions. So Kattabomman had the audacity to cross the parental control line, climb my shoulder, and sit on my head when I watch something on the phone. It wasn’t long before his inquiries started: “Papa, why do uncle and aunt take off all of their clothes? Are they going to shower now? Papa, what does uncle do to my aunt’s face?”

I shorten the screen quickly before things escalated between uncle and aunty even further. From Altered Carbon, I switch to animation display, which confuses every algorithm my content consumption patterns have been tracked. Animation revolves around locusts, which is the current preoccupation of Kataboman. He is worried that locusts may come and eat the hot pepper plant that he was watering hard.

He says “daddy”. “Is the coronavirus so powerful?”

“Of course, of course.”

“Is it stronger than the structure?”

“Yes”.

“More powerful than locusts?”

“Maybe.”

“I have an idea, Papa.”

“really?” It is the first time I’ve heard that he uses the word “idea”.

“If we make coronavirus control with locusts, it will kill locusts.”

I say “it is not a bad idea.” “But the coronavirus and locusts will not fight each other.”

“why?” He says. “Are they friends?”

I say “No, they are not friends.” “But they’re not as stupid as humans.”

Sampath is the Social Affairs Editor, Hindu.

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