“I have a dead dolphin in my car”

Election results continue to take center stage on “Saturday Night Live,” as this week's cold open featured Dana Carvey as Joe Biden and James Austin Johnson as Donald Trump in a sketch from the two men's recent meeting at the White House. Sitting in front of a crackling fireplace near a bouquet of roses, the two unpacked Trump's puzzling Cabinet picks, including Matt Gaetz for attorney general and Robert F. Kennedy Jr. to lead the Department of Health and Human Services social.

“Hello everyone, thank you all for coming to this very important transition meeting,” Carvey said as Biden. “I’m serious right now!” Even if we don't agree, we're going to have a very respectful conversation.

“Yeah, charge me,” Johnson said as Trump. “Instead of being loud and crazy like I usually am, I’m calm and collected, which in many ways is much scarier.”

“I'm going to sit here and smile while ignoring the giant fire right behind me,” Carvey said, then referencing the popular meme with a dog surrounded by burning flames, saying, “That's good.”

Carvey, as Biden said, the two men would ask the press to leave to “talk about the details” of the transition of power from President Biden to Trump. “Just two boomers here talking about nuclear weapons,” Carvey said. “

As members of the press were ushered out of the room, a White House official added: “Thank you everyone, you can shout your questions on the way out.” » Someone shouted, “What’s going to happen?” And another added: “Should I move to Canada?

Johnson's Trump has expressed reluctance to return to the presidential office, saying he “loves to run, hates to do.” He then complained about the state of the White House, comparing the carpets to a royal cinema. “Now I have to live here for the next four years.”

Carvey, as Biden, recalled all the magical years he spent in the White House, adding: “I brought my party together so much that they teamed up and kicked me out.” »

“I can’t go back to Mar-a-Lago, Joe,” Trump said. “Elon is here, and he’s not leaving. It’s like, “What about Bob?” ” over there. He walks around and shows me videos of rockets and monkeys with computers in their heads. This guy is cringe AF,” Johnson added.

Referring to Trump's deluge of mind-boggling cabinet choices last week, Johnson, like Trump, said: “I'm very quickly choosing the most epic cabinet of all time.” Some of the most vibrant, free-spirited, animal-killing, and sexually criminal people in the country.

“Who are you thinking of?” Biden asked.

“Well, we have Elon and Matt Gaetz. It’s a showdown between alien and predator,” Trump said, referring to his recent appointments. “Melania will work remotely after her divorce,” he added.

Sarah Sherman as Matt Gaetz took the stage, followed by Alec Baldwin as Robert F. Kennedy Jr., who took the stage to much applause. “I am very honored to lead the Department of Health and Human Services. Americans need someone to teach them how to be healthy, like me, a 70-year-old man with movie star looks and a worm in my brain,” said Baldwin as RFK Jr.

“Bobby, I love you. I can’t wait to see what you do with this country,” Trump said.

“I care deeply about a woman's right to choose — to choose to give polio to her child,” Baldwin said, in a nod to RFK's skepticism about vaccinations. “All right, I have to go, I have a dead dolphin in my car,” he said. “I think I might cut it in half and throw it in Central Park.”

Charli XCX is both host and musical guest on this week's “Saturday Night Live.”

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