Sports
Penn State only offers football students tickets for Commonwealth campuses because it feels bad
Penn State Athletics only sells 2025 Penn State Football Student Season Tickets to students of Commonwealth Campus, the university said in a release on Tuesday.
The movement comes after Penn State announced the possible closures Van de Beaver, Dubois, Greater Allegheny, Fayette, Hazleton, Mont Alto, New Kensington, Schuykill, Shenango, Scranton, Wilkes-Barre and York Campuses at the end of February in response to budget deficits.
“We understand the harsh reality of the possible closures and want to make up for the students who have been implemented emotional unrest due to the constant situation,” a spokesperson for Penn State Athletics told the State on Tuesday morning. “So, after a lot of thought and consideration, we will only set up student season card requests and purchases to students who are currently registered and registered for the 2025-26 academic year in the 12 campuses that have a chance to close.”
The university spokesperson also stated that although they know the effect that the decision will have on the student body of the University Park, they still chose to roll with it because of their sense of responsibility for some Commonwealth campuses that are closed.
“We feel bad,” they said. “It is not our fault that we are empaths. Students from the University Park will just have to deal with it.”
Transport, however, will not be supplied by the university to the campus students of Commonwealth to reach the games due to cuts on the budget.
“At the end of the day this is simply its reality, and there is no chance that we will return, regardless of how much the university park students protest,” said the spokesperson. “Don't shoot at the messenger. I just work here, man.”
Commonwealth Campus students can request season tickets via Lionpath in mid-June.
Comments Note: This story is part of the April States April Fools Day series. It is satirical, intended for entertainment, and not being taken literally. All quotes are made up for the purpose of this message.
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