Ask Amy: Video games, worried parents and life balance

Dear readers: I appreciate hearing responses from people whose questions have been posted in this space. Like you, I'm curious about how people have handled their dilemmas and wonder if my advice has been helpful.

I'm happy to post this update from a reader whose original question was posted in June 2012.

The original questions and answers are below and the update follows.

Dear Amy: My husband and father are both video game players.

A new version of their favorite game has just been released and I learned that it is rated M-Mature by the Entertainment Software Rating Board.

Both men believe it is completely acceptable for our 4 and 6 year old boys to watch and play this game.

I equate an M rating to an R-rated movie and insist that boys cannot watch or play this game.

They argue that the kids played the previous versions, also rated M (unbeknownst to me), so no harm done.

I am accused of overreacting and controlling.

The kids are now mad at me too for pulling the plug.

Am I overreacting? Should I allow limited play?

Mom unplugged

Dear Unplugged: Did your husband and father begin their recreational lives when they were very young playing violent video games aimed at adults?

I'm not going to guess. I presume that as children, these older men exercised their imaginations and their bodies the old-fashioned way in the yard, on the ballfield, or on the street corner in the neighborhood.

Don't they want the same thing for these children?

I completely agree with you. Your kids are way too young to play (or watch others play) these games.

It would be great if your kids had a dad and grandpa who cared about them enough to get off the couch and take them outside to engage in some truly interactive play. The number of letters I receive from parents of teenagers and young adults (mostly men, frankly), agonizing over the hours, money and effort spent on video games, would persuade any parent to delay this activity or at least to offer the youngest something in the field. of suitable age.

These adults, who essentially co-opt children into fighting with you, also provide an example of adolescent play.

Children should be left completely out of the way while adults figure things out.

For more information about the Entertainment Software Rating Boards rating system (including some very helpful tips on how families can discuss this important issue), see CERS.org. The site includes information on how to install parental controls on different brands of gaming systems.

It looks like you can also use some grandparental controls.

Dear Amy: Here is my update. Twelve years later, I'm happy to report that after reducing our sons' exposure to video games and eliminating mature material, they have both grown into strong, well-adjusted young men.

Both still enjoy playing with their father and grandfather, but have many friends, hobbies and sporting activities.

I was afraid of raising social deviants because of the game's influence, but I realized it was about balance.

Our oldest will soon be heading to college on a full scholarship with his gaming computer in tow.

Mom less disconnected

Dear Less Unplugged: Time has shown that real social deviance remains very rare, despite the presence of video games and worried parents. Good game!

Dear Amy: A simple thank you from the bottom of my heart for your simple, thoughtful, compassionate and direct response to Sad mother and grandmotherwhose daughter didn't want to include her trans brother in family events.

These are difficult times for many of us trans people, and the compassion of our families and communities means a lot.

Last year, my sister chose not to invite me to my niece's first birthday party, for fear that I would be very uncomfortable with her more libertarian and conservative friends, who make up the vast majority of his social circle.

After a very heartfelt comment from my mother informing my sister that she might consider letting me make this choice on my own, it seemed to help her.

She now has a more nuanced approach to how she might deal with her protective feelings toward me.

Last weekend I received an invitation to my niece's second birthday party. I'm eager to !

Adam

Dear Ada: Congratulations to you and your family; you have created many reasons to celebrate.