DEAR ABBY: My husband rarely says thank you and almost never apologizes for anything. The other day I was at an office party to which family members were not invited. I brought home a plate of food for my husband, which he refused to thank me for when I suggested a thank you might be nice, especially since it was dinner time .
The office lunch had been hours ago and I hadn't brought anything for myself. He said that because I didn't come home when I said so, he didn't feel the need to thank me. When I told him it was a courtesy to thank people, he continued to argue and eventually threw the plate of food across the room. Now he won't apologize for it either. He believes it was justified to throw the food away.
Abby, my husband is a college professor and well educated, but he often neglects courtesy. He usually walks quickly and ahead of me when we move. He never says: You're pretty, and he leaves the house without mentioning where he's going. This doesn't worry him, because it bothers me, because he is convinced that he is right about everything. Throwing food is an extreme example of his behavior, but it worries me for his mental health at this point. Any advice, please. — NEVER THANKED IN NEW JERSEY
DEAR NEVER THANK YOU: Your husband’s mental health is fine. What you described in detail is not new behavior. The professor has been a boor who has been educated for years and is clearly not willing to change. I would question YOUR judgment for tolerating his disrespectful behavior all this time because he has repeatedly shown you that your feelings mean little to him.
DEAR ABBY: My sister lost her husband a year ago. She has three adult children, but her relationship with her 30-year-old daughter is broken. I am heartbroken because I have two daughters and I can't imagine what my sister is going through.
My niece was close to her father and threw it in my sister's face that he was her person and she told him everything. My niece and I have a good relationship and she confides in me things that she doesn't tell her mother.
I'm wondering if I should talk to my niece to get an idea of what her problem with my sister really is. My niece blames her mother for everything. I don't know if trying to help will backfire. Please help me. – AUNT INVOLVED IN CONNECTICUT
DEAR AUNT: I'm sure you have good intentions, but I don't think it would be helpful to insert yourself as a mediator between your sister and your niece. For some reason, your niece felt more comfortable confiding in her late father than her sister. Stating this fact out loud was not throwing it in anyone's face.
Your relationship with your daughters is clearly different from the one your sister has with hers. Unless you want to alienate your niece, let the two of them work things out.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at DearAbby.com or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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