What it feels like … having incurable cancer

Most people born in the UK today can expect to live until they are 80 years old.

I was fortunate to be in my 60s because I was diagnosed with incurable breast cancer at the age of 55 about 18 months ago.

How do you deal with that knowledge? I find a way, otherwise I’m always worried and angry about it.

After noticing changes such as a lump in the right breast, she was first diagnosed with primary breast cancer in the summer of 2015. For the next 7 months After receiving chemotherapy, I had a mastectomy Resection of the lymph nodes in the right armpit and radiation therapy.

I finished aggressive treatment in February 2016. At that point, you are considered “cancer-free,” but many people, including myself, hate and don’t use the phrase.

We like the term “no evidence of illness”.Treatment can remove all the cancers found, but there is always the possibility that there are undetected cells It will spread or spread to other areas of the body.

The cells are dormant and, in some cases, later appear as active cancers. This happened to me just over three years after my first treatment.

It is known for secondary, metastatic, stage IV, progressive or late-stage breast cancer. I can’t cure it.

For me, the first breast cancer spread to my bones and bone marrow. After following up on my back pain, I was diagnosed with secondary cancer.

The later the initial diagnosis (basically the size of the tumor and whether it has spread to the lymph nodes), the more likely it is to develop “secondary” in the future. When I was first diagnosed, I was in stage III, so I knew I was at high risk.

No one recovers from secondary breast cancer. It can be treated, but will eventually kill you unless you die in the meantime with something else.

Some women have lived with the disease for years, but data show that 50% die within three years of being diagnosed.

There is no way to know which camp to enter.

My oncologist told me a year ago that she would be disappointed if I hadn’t had at least five more years left. At first, that was all I could think of.

I had a husband and two young adult sons, and every time I heard one of the boys call me “mother,” I was caught in a wave of sadness. I wonder how long I’ll be there for them to be able to say that. It was the same with my husband calling my name.

Now, instead of the sound of words afflicting me, I let them wipe me out like a blanket of comfort.

I’m trying to focus on the present, not the future. “Never borrow the sadness of tomorrow” – This was advice from a member of the invaluable online support group I joined. It’s a good way to see it.

Many have experienced periods of intense sorrow and are still happy in the long run. There is no guarantee of life for any of us, except that all of us will die someday. That fact helps to fix me.

When you go out and start thinking about dark thoughts, you may look at the people around you and wonder if everyone will die tomorrow. It may sound strange, but I find it useful. Not all of them are worried about when and how death will come, so I don’t have to.

You have to work hard to increase resilience. That doesn’t mean that everything is just pretending to be working, though obviously not. It’s not just when you have a positive attitude.

For me, resilience allows me to accept and acknowledge my situation and feel angry, sad, and fearful, while knowing that those emotions do not have to take over and nullify all other emotions. It means that you are.

The facts are there as the background of my life.I can’t escape them, but I try “Living with my cancer”, As one of my doctors says. That is my goal for me and my family.

Both my husband and I are open about the situation with our sons because we don’t want to worry that we are hiding things from our sons. We keep them up to date with how my treatment is progressing, but at least in most cases I really want my situation to sit behind their young life.

I also hope they feel they can talk about it – to anyone who thinks they can listen and provide comfort, if not to us.

At this time, I have no pain from this illness. From day to day, my hair gets thinner, my nails get messed up, and my legs sometimes hurt and I can’t sleep. Other than that, it feels incredibly healthy.

If the coronavirus restrictions allow, I will swim, walk, cycle and play tennis. I have to be careful because my immune system is weak due to the cancer itself and the treatment I am receiving.

When it comes to pandemics, I’m far from reckless, but I’m trying to get the most out of things. Recently, I walked most of Hadrian’s Wall and covered 68 of 84 miles in 6 days. My husband and I traveled to northern Greece for 10 days.

I am currently taking oral chemotherapy tablets in the morning and evening, one week on and one week off. I inject bone-strengthening drugs every month and scan them regularly. I have a blood test every month. We then discuss with the consultant how to manage the results and side effects of the treatment.

At this time, the cancer is limited to my bones and bone marrow. At one point it can spread to other places. Things can change from month to month.

There is no right or wrong approach to dealing with a diagnosis like me. At the moment, acceptance and pragmaticism are working for me. It’s not easy, but I keep dealing with the good and the bad every day.

I capture the moments I can, thank them, and enjoy the life I have. And so are the many wonderful people I have there.

You can find Maureen’s blog here.. The lead photo was taken by Mallorca Cycling Photo.

The Cancer Institute in London is currently raising funds to complete a new cancer drug discovery center. The center has the world’s first drug discovery program focused on the evolution of cancer and the development of drug resistance.You can support its charm here..

Do you have a story you would like to share?Contact by email Yess.austin @ metro.co.uk

Share your opinion in the comments below

More : She wrote a book about the protagonist because she couldn’t help with her niece’s cancer

More : Cancer doesn’t care about pandemics, that’s why our charity is more important than ever

More : After losing his son to cancer at the age of 19, he raised £ 1 million in his memory.

In this exciting new series from Metro.co.uk What is it like … Sharing not only the inspirational story of one person, but also the details and emotions intertwined in it, allowing readers true insight into their life-changing experiences.

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