2024 Iowa Hawkeyes Football Predictions, Schedule, Preview

Good morning. Did you have a nice Iowa Week?

I also find it most enjoyable to see a preview of the Iowa Hawkeyes is to not think about it at all. After all, you know what you're getting, right?

We're grateful to Mr. Grizz, who is not our Iowa stepfather, but our Iowa father, who stepped forward for a sneak peek at… well, how Io was pretty much exactly the same:

Also a super-happy congrats to Iowa for moving up the Off Podium Empire leaderboard, thanks, I think, to gymnastics (AO: can confirm. And stick around for the Olympic wrestling bracket too!). There's been some basketball talk too, as the Fightin Franimals are dealing with a McCaffery Brood Exodus to the Circle City plus a few other transfer-related issues.

And finally, is there time to drop your questions into the Iowa Mailbag? WHO KNOWS! That's the fun of our delightfully random wake-up calls for our Iowa writers. But I did ranking the best breweries in Iowa for you, so that's…something, I guess.

But we're here to talk about football, specifically the 2024 Iowa Hawkeyes. A lot has changed, especially in the sense that parting your hair on the left instead of the right is a big change!

But first, a story.

In 2012, my freshman year after graduating, I was supposed to drive from the Twin Cities to Wartburg to spend a weekend with one of my best friends from high school. Before I left, I stopped by his mom’s house, who was from Iowa, because she had to pick up some stuff for him. (In true Iowa style, it was just a garbage bag full of cans and bottles that could be redeemed under Iowa law.)

She also asked which way I was driving, because it was a Friday afternoon. US-52 to Rochester, then US-63 through Stewartville, Spring Valley and into Iowa. Easy.

Oh, I don't know, she said. You'll want to be Real Be careful crossing the Iowa border. The deer will be there.

Like…duh. Of course. It's the rural Midwest, there are filthy, damned ditch rats everywhere.

No, but Chester, you do want to keep an eye out for deer over thereshe insisted.

After the remaining pleasantries and 20 minutes of goodbyes, I was off. The sun was setting somewhere around Oronococo, I stopped for a bite to eat in Rochester and all was well.

And then I came to Chester.

You've never been to Chester unless you're from Minnesota, Iowa, or a fucking liar.

It’s the first town across the border into Iowa on US-63, a historic stop on the Chicago, Milwaukee and St. Paul Line. Today it’s home to 100 people and has two gentle curves in US-63 that feel like 90-degree hairpin turns because you’re going 10 mph. Until you realize there’s a 30 MPH sign and a county sheriff under the water tower on the other side of the bridge.

Anyway. I stumble through town, without having angered the sheriff, and reach the other side, where it’s dark and the cornfields stretch all the way to Waverly. I hit the gas, eager to leave Chester behind.

And then, barely outside the shadowy lines of the city limits: what seemed like a thousand eyes, glowing in the corn and the ditches and there on the damned road. They were everywhereI honestly don't understand how there can be so many deer in one place, or how the trucks I passed in the opposite direction not five minutes ago didn't crush at least one or two of them for the crows to peck at tomorrow.

She was right, damn it. The deer of Chester, Iowa.

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Our approach to Iowa Week is this: You come looking for something interesting about Iowa football. I tell you some nonsensical story about Iowa that you either already knew or don’t care about. Then I repeat basic football information. You learn nothing.

Welcome to a Kirk Ferentz press conference.

Iowa will line up behind a relatively solid offensive line and run the ball with Leshon Williams and Kaleb Johnson, neither of whom will surprise you. There will be at least one fullback. Whoever starts at quarterback is largely irrelevant, but Northwestern transfer Brendan Sullivan is third on the depth chart behind the previously injured Cade McNamara And Marco Lainez. Tim Lesters here now as offensive coordinator, a fact that won't matter unless we remember how incompetent Brian Ferentz was.

Iowa claims to have wide receivers. At this time we cannot confirm those reports.

Luke Lachey is going to be an All-B1G tight end. Book him.

Defensively, it's still Phil Parker, and he'd still want to rip your dick off and throw it in a cornfield outside Chester. He's got linebacker Jay Higgins, who's arguably the best defensive player in the Big Ten, and probably a couple other solid, well-coached guys.

You're not going to enjoy playing against Iowa in football.

Well…most of the time.

Iowa's a pretty easy study: run the ball, play-action passing, flip the field with your punter, stop them on defense. Shorten the field. Play-action passing. Kick a field goal. Here comes the defense. Watch out for deer.

Despite this, Iowa will win at least eight games in 2024.

You know it, I know it, God himself is laughing with Norm Parker about a frozen steak in heaven about it. They're going to a bowl game in one of those tertiary southern cities where you don't want to to go but your moms already booked the timeshare and it's Real It would be nice to have the whole family together during the holidays.

Writers:

(1) 9-3 (6-3)? Show your work.

(2) What is the best advice you've ever received and how does it apply to the Iowa Hawkeyes American football team?

Kind of…: I mean, LOOK at that fin schedule. Say you lose to OSU and, sure, assume Kirk's West Coast demons still exist and they fall flat on their face @UCLA. It's still winning @Minnesota (last time that didn't happen: 2014), @Sparty and @Maryland and winning home games to get to 10-2 and, dear God, some CFP talk.

Imagine if the DeShaun Foster era got off to a slow start and we had to talk about Iowa possibly going 11-1 because their schedule didn't include Oregon, Michigan, PSU AND USC?!?!? Get ready folks, we've been trying to tell you what it's like when Iowa fans lose their oats corn!

And, sure, there are probably a few minor dick trips. But what if that's not the case? What if Tim Lester is just a C-OC and thus two orders of magnitude better than what Iowas have had the last few years? The secondary is always elite and they have arguably the best LB corps in the country. Do you really want to sleep on Iowa?

I shudder to think about it, but it all seems too plausible. For the sake of not making it too funny, I’ll go with 10-3/8-1. Iowa beats OSU, who is 12-0. Every other B1G team has at least two conference losses, so Iowa makes the championship game, gets blown out again by OSU, which, combined with a hilarious loss to El Assico, keeps Iowa out of the CFP. Instead, they go to the Capital One Bowl, sponsored by Outback, for the 17th year in a row and lose to Mizzesseesseetucky.

BoilerUp89: Iowa has yet to score a single offensive touchdown this year, while the college football world recognizes that Brian was actually an offensive genius who was closely tied to the reality of Kirk's football philosophy.

The Water Boy came out in 1998, a year before Kirk took over the Hawkeyes program. Back then, it was funny that Iowa was limited to 3 points and lost a game 3-5. In 2024, it's no longer a surprise that Iowa ends a game with a final score of 5-3.

Despite their offensive shortcomings, the Hawkeyes are 8-4 behind the nation's #3 defense.

MC ClapYoHandz: First of all I want to thank everyone involved in this event. It was one of the most fun weeks in Iowa in years.

In a conference that now has twice as many members as there are games, we're going to check the schedules every year to see which decent to good teams won the scheduling roulette that year. We're also going to see conference schedules with Ohio State and Washington on them and still think the schedule doesn't look that bad. The preseason homer in me says they lose to those two and a Wisconsin that's on the rise, but even if the Badgers suck, I can see a loss to Northwestern or Nebraska. Any one of those three can do it. 9-3 (6-3) just like the doctor ordered.

Folk advice that I certainly won't improvise? Give a man a fish sandwich and he'll eat for a day; teach a man to fish for a sandwich and he'll die. RIP Brian Ferentz Era.

AlmaOtter: these fucking guys. Ugh. Yeah, probably at least 8-4, but less than 10-2, even though the schedule is flat as a pancake. I say the Toothed Birds go 9-3 (loses to Ohio State (BTW: I'll be at that game!!), Wisconsin, and Nebraska. Good for you, Iowa. Well done. So proud. Big wins.

As for folk wisdom, my beloved grandpa once told me that wherever you go, there you are. Did my dad know that was a Confucian saying? 100% sure he didn’t. But Iowa, when you focus on defense and special teams to the explicit exclusion of offense and pride and your son’s job, hey, there you are. Way to go, Kirk.

Brian: Most preseason polls seem to have Iowa around 6th or 7th in the Big Ten, about where the Hawkeyes need to be to contend for the old Big Ten West title, with an over/under in wins of 8.5. Let’s see: another solid defense, one of the most underrated home-field advantage programs in college football, a new offense coordinator, a healthy Cade McNamara, and a very favorable schedule? Sure, sign me up for the over.

People's advice? I was just warned to watch out for the deer in Chester, Iowa.

MaximaalSam: I refuse to do any work, much less show it. But I come from the hills of southern Ohio and I have heard a lot of folk wisdom. My uncle's friend was a water diviner, where he would take a stick and walk around until the stick forced down. There you could dig a well to find water. Kirk Ferentz would do well to take a stick and see if he could see some points with it.

misdreavus79: Iowa went to great lengths to maintain a Big Ten West-like schedule, getting three of the six former West teams as protected games. For that reason, anything other than putting Oregon, Michigan, Penn State, USC, and Ohio State on their schedule with their six remaining slots will result in Iowa consistently having one of the easiest schedules (relatively speaking) in the conference. Iowa only got Ohio State out of that group in 2024.

So, if Wisconsin, Minnesota, and Nebraska don’t make huge leaps this season, Iowa could slide through its schedule, lose to Ohio State, and find itself in some sort of tiebreaker situation that still puts it in the title game. Who needs divisions when you can make half of your old division a protected rival? 10-2

I always tell my kids the nonsense, according to popular advice, like the only way to get what you want is to ask, to only worry about others when you have to help them, and similarly to only look at what others have to see if they have enough. This one is very popular at the dinner table. The last one I’ve been trying out lately is that honesty isn’t always in your best interest. I save that one for the older two, because they can better understand that the world doesn’t revolve around them.