To the Nice Boys of the World: Men's Mental Health

This article is written by a student writer from the Her Campus at ODU chapter.

Have you ever wished you could just take people's pain away? That it physically hurts to breathe, knowing that they are suffering inside?

A very close friend of mine told me he felt like he was suffocating. I look at him with the greatest respect and love and wish I could make him breathe again.

We always talk about women's mental health. Our health is always the first topic of discussion when we talk about mental illness or suicide, but what about men? Men need our help and we let them down. Good mental health is as important as oxygen (Green 2018). Remember how I mentioned choking? Our male mentality is not being talked about and we need to put an end to it before it's too late.

If they cry, they are weak. If they see a therapist, they are weak. If they need medicine, they are weak. Sometimes men don't always show the basic signs of depression, but that doesn't mean it isn't the case.

My friend I mentioned? I call him my good boy, because that's who he is. She is the kindest person I have ever known. I met my friend when we were teenagers in a small cooking class and little did I know he would have an effect on me forever. We fell in love at 18, and without looking, we found ourselves at 19 and fell even harder. No matter how much love there is in our hearts for one another, it is not enough if there is not love for ourselves first.

Depression cannot be eliminated by willpower. It is a serious mental health problem that affects a man's daily life, including the way he eats, sleeps, feels and thinks. It can also affect one's ability to work, go to school, and maintain relationships with friends and family. Depression is NOT a sign of weakness and it can affect any man, regardless of age, race or ethnicity. (Greene 2018).

Greene is right. Depression is not a sign of weakness. The first step towards your journey is recognizing that you have these problems. I looked at my friend and all I saw was someone who needs to know how much he is loved. Looking at me with sadness and inferiority; I cupped his face and said: I love you.

I know it takes more than a few words to make someone's problems go away, but I hope this made them feel more comfortable and secure.

Although mental illnesses are more prevalent among women than men, men who suffer from them are less likely to receive mental health treatment or diagnosis. There are many reasons for this, and one of them is the pressure men face to “get back up” or “keep it together.” The stigma of men speaking out is that it is seen as a form of weakness or as not being “manly.” (YOU).

Without proper diagnosis and recognition of these problems, it can lead to drug or alcohol abuse, or even suicide.

When I was younger, I suffered from suicidal thoughts, such as planning and attempts. It was more socially acceptable for me as a woman to experience these things, because that's always what we're talking about: women's mental health. There is nothing wrong with talking about women's mentality, but we need to make sure we also talk about a man's mentality and accept it just as much.

At a very young age, my late grandmother, Carol, became a Franciscan nun (a nun under Saint Francis). She died on July 1, 2021 from pancreatic cancer. She would have loved my sweet boy (I said with tears in my eyes). When he came to me with these thoughts, I read him the prayer of Saint Francis:

Lord, make me an instrument of your peace:

where there is hatred, let me sow love;

where there is a wound, pardon;

where there is doubt, faith;

where despair reigns, hope;

where there is darkness, there is light;

where there is sadness, joy.

O divine Master, allow me not to seek so much

to be consoled as well as to console,

to be understood as to understand,

to be loved as to love.

Because it is by giving that we receive,

it is by forgiving that we are forgiven,

and it is by dying that we are born to eternal life.

I emphasized the importance of this prayer. The parts I emphasized when talking to him, because that's who he is. He is faith. He is hope. He is light. He is joy. I know he doesn't feel it now, but I hope that on his personal journey he can look in the mirror and see what I see in him. So, I urge you to check in on the men in your life and ask them: How are you?