Important note: What’s happening in the mind of a child is:

Small children

Redefining a deadly virus

CNN: My 6-year-old child calls this a “deadly virus.” And while she’s laughing when she says it, seeing it is a really heavy way. It wonders, how a child internalizes it and treats it differently than an adult, and how should an adult see it for their child? And will this mark the entire generation?

BG: Every child is different. Children tend to be either worrying about it, being depressed about it, or not knowing it or not even denying it. Ask a sweet six-year-old child who says “a deadly virus” what it means and see what she says. And you can help reframe it. I think it’s a really bad virus that many people are recovering from. Why do you call it a deadly virus? Is that what you heard from me? … perhaps the whole family can transfer the entire nomenclature to the virus. Or “Yacky virus”.

Collective influence

CNN: But from a permanent perspective, this is not a concentration camp. Not World War II. But what’s happening is still very strange. Does it have such a collective effect on children that an adult does not?

BG: I think every child is different, but children are as resilient as they can help parents and caretakers reflect the situation and remain logically consistent. Therefore, being able to tell them stories or stories can help ease their anxiety.

Kids can feel that they are vibrating on another level

BG: I consider our body through a lens of sensorimotor psychotherapy and body-based physical activity. Our bodies are now vibrating at different levels. We all think we have a small vibration of anxiety in our bodies, waiting for news, avoiding news, but that’s an act of avoidance and we wonder what will happen. I am.

The younger child may have heard what his parents said. Well, we can do this, but we don’t know, or it’s getting better but not, or it’s going to get worse.

They hear the message that there are things that are eternally different, such as hygiene. I think most children will clean differently. At least in the near future, I think the feeling of hugging and physicality will be much less. If not, this will be the way of life.

Technology is ok

BG: But this is the first time I’ve heard about my parents-working with many clients and their families-I’ve never heard my parents encourage technology as they do now. Instead, instead of “You overuse your device,” “Get your device, you have zoom” or “Get your device, connect with friends.” is.

And better things are happening. Not only bad things are happening on the internet, but also great services on YouTube. You are seeing positive things that have never happened before. As a collective, I think this is our war.

War on our land

BG: Except 9/11, this is a war on our land and affects everyone. And since 9/11, children now 20, 21, and 19 years old were strongly affected. My 19-year-old daughter was alone when that happened. She does not remember what I am aware of, but is influenced by it … and this illness does the same thing- “We are not safe” -but we are you I’m learning that there are things I can do for safety.

Inequality in cementing

CNN: Not all parents are at home and there is no luxury to guide their children. Will this cement inequality in the country and will it affect children in certain communities more than others?

BG: The cultural impact of this virus is already visible. This is growing exponentially for poor communities, many minority communities, families with many families in their homes, many first responders, and people far away. world.

I am busier than ever. Both old and new clients all use Zoom, but there is no risk of catching the virus as many other families with no other choice do.

There is no answer, as the level of inequality is increasing and I think it was a broken system in the first place.

Although their brains are developing, they can be surprisingly mature

CNN: Is the brain work of a child different to understand how my brain works and how to deal with this?

BG: Yes. There are many stages of development … Things are very concrete for a 6-year-old child whose death is still at the edge of understanding.

Some people really understand it because they had trauma and had to figure it out.

Others have never actually been exposed to it. My analogy would be a cartoon character that gets killed over and over again. But they are there the next day. And another child may have great loss and trauma in their lives as they are discussed and they understand. And there are big traumas and losses, some children who don’t discuss it based on family culture, how they communicate, who is there and what isn’t, and family secrets.

Although the brains of younger children are very different from ours, they are often quite amazingly mature and you may not know the difference between the brains.

Teens look like Martians but they live in your home

From 9:00 to 29:00

BG: Let’s talk a little about the teenager brain, as it’s a bit impulsive about the teenager brain and this part of the prefrontal brain is often offline. Looking at a teenager, we define 9 to 29 as 10 years old. This is a fairly loose level. In addition, Boomerang children have returned home and are now posted by many college students. -College children come home to stay safe with their parents, or lose their jobs in the near future and live at home.

Some children are worried

But I have a favorite analogy. The Martians took their brains, but I tell their parents that they will get it back. Because he or she is a monster and we want to help regulate adolescent children. It begins with having them tell you about the story. The consistency I said earlier to understand the story: “I’m really scared. They say that this deadly virus is there. Everyone will die. The Earth will disappear.”

Upon hearing, you can see that there are some mistakes. Please help them reframe it.

Some children are rejected

BG: Another extreme example is the negative one. The client I had at a party in Florida had a great time in Cabo during the spring break and was very sick and shared it with my family before I knew it. Some 6 or 7 weeks have passed since the virus was infected, and some people just recover rather than die from the virus. We know very little about it.

Some children will feel lonely

BG: We have adults and teens who feel socially decent wash and sense of distance, isolated and abandoned, rather than at the OCD level. Society did not expect this to be this long. It was a week or two, three or four weeks. In their opinion, they will return to school in two weeks.

Elisabeth Kübler-Ross talks about five typical stages of depression and despair-denial, anger, depression, negotiation, acceptance. It does not mean that it happens in that order. These five stages are interwoven.

I came in completely denying the client. And they are very angry. Then they seemed to accept it, and then something else happens. What happened at Prom today was a girl, tonight her prom. She thought it was okay. But it wasn’t. She was awake because she woke up today. It’s like all the emotions she thought she had dealt with-her dress arrived and became a boom, it was a visual trigger, it went directly to her heart, she began to panic It was.

breathe

BG: So the first thing I did was ask her where she was feeling this on her body. Where in her nervous system. Because understanding the body in any language makes a difference. Both she and I put our hands on our hearts. Because she said it wouldn’t stop the assault. She was very angry. She was hot Her face flushed. That awakening. And her heart was beating. So when I put her hand in her heart, as I’m doing now, she calmed down. It changed something for her. And for many many people it does it. Not all. If she says this is bad, I feel trapped. This is possible. I may have told you to do this. Spread your arms wide. And when you do it-try it, it’s a moment. Try it with your arms. Please take a break. Take a breath like this How much more open do you see it when you do it?

CNN: Yeah. It’s great. (That was true.)

BG: Go back and this time (with your arms crossed) lower your head and tighten. Try taking the same breath this time. Find out how difficult it is to hold your breath. Many people are thus angry and unable to walk, bow, scare, and breathe.

There is confusion in not knowing what will happen

CNN: You said you were busier than ever. What’s wrong?

BG: I think most co-workers share with me the feeling that at first they knew what they were doing and thought they were powerless.

Then came the wave of new information and helplessness. And we were a little more competent or confident about this roller coaster, and then felt even more helpless as it continued.

I don’t think we thought we’d be home for so long, except for those who thought we’d be home forever. Somewhere between a week and two years is true. We are starting to get brighter. But we are not nearing the end.

Two extreme ways to show open back

CNN: Is there more comfort among people now that the state has begun to expand?

BG: Some are more comfortable, others are more fearful. Fear is what we intend to release and we are all ill and will die. The other side is already open and we are about to open. The idea of ​​a flock. Let’s do it together. Some go, some live, but this is not good for our economy. That is, two very different extremes. And this is what we want-and this goes back to something Dan Siegal said-we’re seeing a mess of it horrible and it’s terrible, this never gets better there is no. And on the other end of the mess, this was all a waste.

We don’t know what the truth is, but what we want is our desire to get a flow between the two.

How to help your child

What to monitor

CNN: Has the warning signal for children in need changed? Not wanting to go out three months ago might have meant you were locked up. Now that may be perfectly reasonable.

BG: For children of all ages, including our adult children, people have different reactions to the paradigm of being at home. Every day I entered the campus was a social nightmare, a clothing nightmare, and an emotional trauma, so I had a very reassuring teenager. They are not scholars, they come home by navigating the social world of elementary, middle and high schools. I was the only rest from my terrible family life as other children were active in the social environment. So some children react very positively to being at home- “I am very happy to be at my computer”.

I believe that nature, fresh air and walking are essential. Both body-based walking acts integrate your brain.

Understand that some children love distance

BG: Some of our tech-loving kids who love technology never have to go out again, but some of our kids have the physical need to run to play to move. I’m waiting. Some clients that have attention deficit or hyperactivity features, or have such a diagnosis, or even just wavy wavy, need to have the opportunity to wavy wavy ..

So, thankfully, I recommend going out for a walk, at least in Los Angeles. Thankfully, we are not in a war zone where it is not safe to go in or out. And that’s the difference from the worries that people in London, for example, found in World War II.

Use vices to inspire if they are depressed

BG: I have something to tell my parents. If your child doesn’t wake up in the morning and your child was a leap kid before, the first thing I do is try to help find what it deserves. One teenager was really depressed and one of the signs of depression was being unable to get out of bed. But they were also starting to get hooked on coffee. This is a good opportunity to promote coffee addiction. Don’t rob your kids of coffee, but don’t bring it to their room so they can stay in bed.

Or give them a little tiny thimble of coffee and say the whole cup is waiting for you. Get up, dress and brush your teeth.

Or, I like the taste of coffee, so don’t brush your teeth until after coffee. Come with a fresh look and start our day. That is the inspiration.

Or food. I will never serve food for children who are depressed in bed now. I encourage them to get whatever food they like. And what is the worst day of the week? Monday morning, the kids are still at school, but the school is at home and the weekends are at home …

So I tell my parents, “Take a name to tame”. up! It’s Monday morning. Monday is not good, isn’t it? What is your favorite food you can have in the kitchen? Then take them out of your room and point them up. “Your pop tart is waiting!” Although pop tart is the most disliked food on the planet. Hopefully…

Push-ups when angry

BG: Another great trick for live or online sessions is doing push-ups when you’re really angry with your child. Or do the plate. All the energy of that anger goes into the ground. I can’t see your face I don’t see you silently yelling at me. I’m doing push-ups, so I don’t see you grinning at me.

Sitting on the ground and screaming

BG: And another trick. If parents are too angry and are about to explode themselves or their children, their relationship with me will throw it away, even if they know it doesn’t help them or their children. Sit on the ground and shout. Because when you sit on the ground and yell, it’s quite different from “I told you to clean your room.”

It allows the moment to shift their mindfulness. Invite by self-regulation. And since the parent is looking down, the child is less triggered when the parent is screaming on the ground.

Keep an eye on

BG: And one of the things we know now is that domestic violence is far more advanced. Huge divorce rate, domestic violence, domestic violence. Many of the people who report violence, domestic violence, and physical violence to children and child abuse are teachers … and they don’t see children.

Be careful if you have one message you want to receive. If you hear anything, call the police and help your neighbors. Do not assume that it is taken care of.