Health
Let Fear Concentrate After Cancer
Sixteen years ago next month I found out I had inflammatory breast cancer in my right breast. When I looked in the mirror today, I got scared for a second. For some reason, my remaining breasts were seemingly discolored.
In the midst of my panic, my husband walked in and asked what was wrong. I asked him to see if there was anything wrong. he didn’t. He then assured me that all would be well. He felt I was a little silly because my eyes were clearly deceiving me.
I share this with you to say that no matter how far away you are from your diagnosis, you can still have those moments. But, like my moment today, we don’t talk much about what ambush us.
Is one more tricky than the other? Scans and appointments, not suddenly. Have you ever gotten to the point where neither happened?
Most people I talk to fall short of the point that neither happens. In my experience, the frequency may decrease over time. A counselor used the following illustration with me when talking about trauma. Stopping a little longer can move the trauma backwards. Then suddenly, the bus driver stepped on the brakes suddenly and Dawn! Trauma is back in the front seat again. The beauty of it is that every time Trauma returns to the front seat, the speed at which it goes backwards increases.
During my 16 years as a cancer survivor, this image has stuck with me when it comes to fear of recurrence. Sometimes it hits the front of my mind depending on what else is going on in my life.
When these moments come, take advantage of them no matter how close you are to your cancer journey. Are you living from the core of who you want to be? Do you honor your purpose and passion? If it were as easy as smiling at someone you see on the street, no matter what it looked like to you, would you? If not, let these moments inspire you to take the time to become who you want to be.
Today, I decided to use this fear as a reminder to live my life from who I am in my core. I got home early from work and decided to sit down and write. That’s something I haven’t done in a long time. I chose to do it today because after this morning it felt like it was the right thing for me to do. Because life is busy. Time passed and the words got out of my head and I didn’t get to the cancer blog for over a year.
If I can take advantage of these moments for myself, I hope you can too, no matter how terrifying it may be!
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