Health
Uncertainty is hope-New York Times
This difficult time also reminds me of my best friend and graduate colleague who faced a sudden life-threatening illness a few years later. His wife, Julia Lis, a professor at Scripps College in Claremont, California, recently said, “Master what’s happening-understand it, make treatment decisions, and the path to recovery.” As his illness worsened, she became increasingly dependent on “order as a coping mechanism.” For example, when shopping for groceries, she said, “I go down all the aisles, even if I don’t need them.”
“Then there was a time when they reorganized the aisle, and it was a mess,” she continued with a sense of humor about the limits of relentless control.
During Phase 2 of my own recovery, I noticed that I was trying a strategy that focused on the same controls. Create a detailed daily calendar every 30 minutes instead of grocery shopping. The first tea starts at 6:30 am and 14 hours later we have an hour break in front of the TV. I wanted to believe that by ordering that day, I would be able to regain my life and mastery of illness. Eventually, the exercise turned out to be exhausting and stupid.
At that time, I reluctantly concluded that I had to accept uncertainty as part of my life. Instead of squeezing my feelings about the uncertainty that psychologists call “compartmentalization,” I devised a strategy that sometimes eliminates those fears. In my mind, instead of waiting for a catastrophic flood, I likened this new response to the release of a dam where rising rivers are slowly released.
If I couldn’t find a way to avoid the uncertainty, I was worried that I would drown in it.I have developed a weapon of weapons to fight it: I slept eternally.. I met a psychotherapist and said “it”. On bad days, I practiced breathing exercises to calm my nervous system. (Inhale for 4 counts, hold for 7 counts, release for 8 counts.) On the worst day, I popped a high dose of blue barium.
Thirty years later, these lessons about living with uncertainty during cancer recovery will help guide me through pandemic uncertainty. Once again, I feel a strong urge to control. If you can see the virus, you can avoid it. Knowing when life will return to normal can help you plan for fall or next year. Like my cancer, I want to create order from chaos. But I also find that I am trying to create hope from the darkness.
Again, I learned from Professor Lis. As her husband continues to fail, her survival rate declines, and the end is approaching, she realizes that “things are overwhelmingly difficult and frightening, and generally poor prognosis, sometimes hope is unknown.” I did. .. It took me a few minutes to figure out what she meant when she continued. “Uncertainty and unpredictability, suddenly and surprisingly, have room for hope.”
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