Fashion Bible: It Was a Phase, Mom

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The time has come for me to announce that I am leaving behind my goth/emo years and entering a new era of non-alternative fashion. Farewell to Black parade.

I started experimenting with alternative fashion in the summer of 2019, right when TikTok took off. Alternative fashion is an umbrella term that encompasses various fashion movements and subcultures that deviate from the mainstream, street fashion, such as emo, goth, punk, etc.

When summer vacation came, I was finally able to dye my hair an unnatural color, which was a no-go in my strictly conservative, no-jewelry, no-nail-varnish, tweed-and-up wool skirt. on the ground. British boarding school.

I carefully selected a pinkish purple color to adorn my already bleached hair and rocked it for a total of two months before cutting it all into a bob when I returned to school.

Even though my hair looked normal, I returned to England with a whole new e-girl wardrobe, a fashion trend that was making the rounds on TikTok and the fashion that many modern emos and goths took their first inspiration from alternative mode.

Multi-colored barrettes, neon fabrics, big ol eyeliner, fake freckles, at least two chains on every pair of pants, oversized graphic tees on hoodies, and, of course, Billie Eilish concert merch. This was unfortunately my look during my freshman year of high school.

It wasn't until the COVID-19 pandemic that I really went all out with my goth days.

For what? Well, let's just say that very few of my classmates were fanatics from my e-girl days and I was often teased about it at school and on social media. People were outraged by my choice of black lipstick and very concerned about the number of piercings I was acquiring.

Exploring your style during the pandemic lockdown probably has something to do with many of you being cooped up in our own homes with minimal social interaction which has led many of us to spend countless nights scrolling through social media. Plus, being stuck at home with no one around meant that your appearance didn't really matter, so you could try out new looks without fear of being judged. I know many of you are still traumatized by the horrible pandemic haircut your mother gave you in the family kitchen.

The quarantine period allowed me to research brands and stores that catered to the gothic aesthetic, since that style wasn't particularly common. I was able to perfect my eyeliner skills, purchase 5-inch stompers, and lots of spiked jewelry to make a statement for my senior year of high school.

As I analyze my style choices in high school today, I realize that many of my motivations came from a frustration with conformity and a need to rebel.

My parents were always extremely supportive of all my fashion endeavors, but my school and classmates wanted to restrict my expression to one set of standards.

A few weeks ago I realized I hadn't made a dark, alternative outfit in a long time. So, I dressed in my usual leather vest and chunky platform boots for my morning class. However, when I looked in the mirror, I felt uncomfortable.

I felt like I was forcing myself to do something I didn't want to do in order to maintain an image that I was ready to let go of.

When I dressed gothic, in high school and early college, my choices were all about making a statement.

Look at me, my outfit choices said. I know you don't like it, but I don't care, I'm going to do it anyway.

Today, this attitude seems childish to me. I don't need to prove something through my fashion. Plus, when I feel like being a little controversial and scandalous, ironic fashion seems to do a better job.

Even some of the articles I wrote for this column a year ago, it makes me cringe. Early in my writing years, I was eager to completely change my style because people around me knew me as a goth girl and I felt like I would lose my identity if I lost that style of dressing.

My own rebellion against the rules became a kind of self-imposed conformity and regulation.

Perhaps the lack of regulation on self-expression that I experienced in college is why I no longer feel drawn to alternative fashion. I rarely received negative feedback about my goth outfits in Claremont. That's a good thing, but it also means that every time I dress as a goth, it doesn't seem to serve any purpose, I don't fight against a principle and I don't feel like myself.

It's not that I think alternative fashion isn't attractive or fashionable. I still love seeing other people dressed in black to a class at 8 a.m. in the blistering California heat, it's just that I'm not that person anymore. I don't think my fashion transition has much to do with aging or wanting to appear more mature; if anything, I just feel like I've outgrown the version of myself that loved being goth.

Last week, I cleaned out my closet and donated almost all of my goth clothes to local thrift stores, keeping only a few pieces as souvenirs from my teenage fashion journey. We all go through phases in fashion, especially during our teenage years. I have no regrets about the way I look or the money I spent building my alternative wardrobe.

To all my goth rock stars, keep doing what you're doing and don't let anyone tell you otherwise. But if you feel inclined to move on and leave your emo years behind you, like I did, don't feel anxious or guilty. Clothes are supposed to make you feel good about yourself. If it no longer does that for you, then maybe it's time to visit Goodwill.

Elizaveta (Lisa) Gorelik CM 25 is from Moscow, Russia. She's excited to spend next summer in heat-catching, non-black clothing.

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